Ambivalence

Having conflicting feelings, such as love and hate, about a person, object, or idea

Martyrdom

1. Extreme suffering

2. The state of being a martyr

(one who chooses death or makes a sacrafice rather than give up religious faith or other belief)

Destitute

adj:

devoid;

poor;

impoverished

Placate

to pacify; to calm

Utmost