Term
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Definition
| A tension between two opposing needs |
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Term
| What are the three types of relational dialectics? |
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Definition
1) Autonomy-Connection
2) Predictability- Novelty
3) Openness-Closed |
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Term
| T/F Dialectic Tensions (DTs) occur in some relationships and indicate a decay |
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Definition
| False, occur in all relationships, change over time, and illustrate activity and change( which is fundamental to all close relationships) |
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Term
| What are the four ways to cope with DTs? |
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Definition
1) Selection choosing one end of DT over the other
2)Separation
a)cyclic alteration- take turns
b) topical segmentation choose certain topics to agree and/or disagree
3)Neutralization: value nither sides completely or avoid
4) Reframing |
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Term
| How are MOST DTs handled? |
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Definition
Autonomy/Connection: Cyclic Alteration
Predictability- Novelty: Topical segmentation
Openess-Closed- topical segmentation |
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Term
| What are the three types of attraction? |
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Definition
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Term
| List the 4 major predictors of attraction; which is the best predictor?? |
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Definition
1) Reward
2) Proximity
3) Similarity
4) Physical Attractiveness
proximity |
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Term
| What does "Rewards" in attraction pertain to? |
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Definition
1) does this person give me something
2) does this person support me
3) does this person like me
4) is this person in desireble groups
*5) is this person discriminative?
*for men, want girl that is easy for them and not other guys to attract; picky is good, highly selective is unattractive |
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Term
| How does proximity play in attraction predictors? |
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Definition
| * exposure effect: the more you're exposed to someone the more attractive they are (even when it appears you have nothing in common) |
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Term
| What role does similarity play in attraction? |
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Definition
| As relationships develop, similarities become more specific and desirable |
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Term
| What role does physical attractiveness play in attraction? |
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Definition
| Matching Hypothesis: we are attracted to the very best looking but we probably won't date them, we date people that are as attractive as us |
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Term
| What are the three ways to transmit attraction? |
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Definition
1) Warmth (appropriate eye contact, smiles)
2) Dominance (Important in Workplace)
* GENDER EFFECT- Some women find this attractive, NO men find this attractive
3)Sociability & Competence (Important in workplace; more verbal) |
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Term
| How many primary love styles are there? Secondary? |
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Definition
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Term
| What are the three primary love styles? Three secondary? |
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Definition
eros, ludos, storge
mania, agape, pragma |
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Term
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Definition
*Physical Love
*more about what you're attracted too
*intense communication
*many fluctuations |
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Term
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Definition
*game-playing love
*often teens and after divorce
*playfulness (wants good time, up front about that)
*manipulative (don't care if they use and/or hurt you)
* persuasive |
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Term
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Definition
*Companionate Love
*share beliefs, values, friendship
*have to be good friends
*more likely to have mid-life crisis |
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Term
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Definition
*Possessive Love (extreme ludus + eros)
*demanding, dependent, possessive
*most jealous
*communicate jealousy well |
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Term
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Definition
*Unselfish love (eros intensity+ storge values)
*intense concern for partner
*sacrifice for partner
*can idealize partner
*can lead to unbalanced relationship |
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Term
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Definition
*Practical Love
*make lists of desirable attributes
*common sense approach
*emotionally commits after finds "fit" |
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Term
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Definition
1) Falsification: deliberately convey info that she/he believes is false
2) omission: leaving info out
3) equivocation: ambiguous, half-truths
4) exaggeration
5) minimize |
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Term
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Definition
College kids: 1 of 3 interactions
People in Communities: 1 of 5
*Ppl less likely to lie to significant others |
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Term
| Which love styles are positively associated with constructive approaches to conflict and ease in communicating intimacy and passion |
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Definition
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Term
| What love style is negatively associated with constructive approach to conflict and ease in communicating intimacy and passion |
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Definition
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Term
| WHat love style is positively associated with an obliging approach to conflict |
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
FILO: First in, last out, describes men in relationships
LIFO: Last in first out, describes women in relationships |
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Term
| Which three love styles are women more likely to be than men? |
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Definition
| Storge, mania, and pragma |
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Term
| Which love style are men more likely than women to have? |
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Definition
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Term
| What are the four background/ assumptions for the Attachment Theory? |
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Definition
1. Mental model of self and other
2. Need for a Secure Base
3. Attachment style in infancy strong predictor of intimacy in adult close relationships
4.Working models of relationships are formed from repeated relational experiences |
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Term
| Explain the need for a Secure Base |
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Definition
* this need regulates perceptions of security in 1st year, innate desire to form close bonds with caretakers
*the secure base= the degree to which infant perceives a caretaker to be responsive and available
* relational security influences mental models of self and attachment figures |
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Term
| What are the two judgment dimensions that attachments is based on? |
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Definition
Model of Self (how worthy am I to have a relationship)
Model of Others (How trustworthiness are others? Can I rely on others?) |
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Term
| T/F Anxiety over relationship is an "other" focused judgment |
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Definition
| False. It is a self-focused judgment |
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Term
| How do those who are anxious over relationships feel? Those who are not? |
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Definition
They have a negative model of self, dont feel worthy of support, worry about significant others' love and commitment
----------------------
They are assured about partner's availability and responsiveness, have positive model of self and feel worthy of support |
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Term
| Describe people who are comfortable with closeness |
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Definition
| They have a positive model of others and believe that significant others are trustworthy |
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Term
| Describe people who are uncomfortable with closeness |
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Definition
have a negative model of others, difficulty trusting others, believe that significant others wild not be available for support
don't trust to disclose about problems |
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Term
| What are the four attachment styles and their models of self/others? |
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Definition
Secure ( +self/+other)
Preoccupied (-self/+other)
Dismissive (+self/-other)
Fearful Avoidant (-self/-other) |
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Term
| Describe secure attachment |
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Definition
* comes from caregiver being readily avalible, attentive, and responsible to needs
*translates into secure ppl, comfortable with relationships
*ppl are happy, friendly, accepting, and trusting of partner despite faults |
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Term
Which of following are false of securely attached people?
a. + model of self and others
b. comfortable with closeness
c. consider themselves worthy of concern, care and affection
d. experience little relational anxiety
e. perceive significant others as accessible, reliable, and trustworthy
f. approximately 55% of population |
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Definition
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Term
| What causes preoccupied attachment? |
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Definition
| A caregiver that was out of touch with needs (too fussy or unavailable) |
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Term
| What are the characteristics of a preoccupied adult? |
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Definition
* anxious/avoidant
* insecure, have difficulty trusting
* report extreme emotions, obsession with lover, jealousy, and extreme sexual attraction
* east to fall in love with, dont think it will last |
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Term
Which of the following are true about preoccupied adults?
a. approx 40% of population
b. negative models of self/ positive and guarded models of others
c. uncomfortable with closeness, lots of relational anxiety
d. feels misunderstood and under appreciated
e. views others as reluctant to get as close as they want to, worry partners dont love them |
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Definition
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Term
| Which attachment styles are developed from a unresponsive or rejecting and inattentive caregiver? |
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Definition
| Dismissive and Fearful-Avoidant |
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Term
| Jamie has a great career. He is also heavily involved in his church, volunteering, and playing recreational rugby. He has been seeing Ann for about three years off and on, but doesn't want to go any deeper with their relationship than dates and causal sex.Jamie most likely has _____ attachment. |
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Definition
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Term
| What % of the population has dismissive attachment? |
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Definition
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Term
| What are some characteristics of dismissive attached people? |
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Definition
Positive self model/ negative other model
Umcomfortable with closeness
Excessively self-reliant
Emotionally distant
Little relational Anxiety unless pressured |
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Term
| Ansley has dreamed since she was young of falling in love with the man of her dreams. However, she is afraid of intimacy. When the opportunity arises, she is crushed by her fears of not deserving to be loved or running her potential mate away with her emotional extremes and jealousy. Ansley is ___________ in her attachment style. |
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Definition
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Term
Negative view of self and others
Afraid of intimacy, feel others are unreliable
Uncomfortable with closeness AND relational anxiety |
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Definition
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Term
Which of these same style relationships could work?
Secure/Secure
Dismissive/Dismissive
Preoccupied/Preoccupied
Fearful Avoidant/ Fearful Avoidant |
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Definition
| Secure/Secure and Dismissive/Dismissive |
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Term
| How accurate are most people in lie detection? |
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Definition
| About 50%; Less than 45% or More than 65% very rare |
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Term
| What are untrue lie deception stereotypes? |
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Definition
| Eye contact, looking uncomfortable, nervous hands |
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Term
| What are common communication tactics about lies? |
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Definition
*Confession or challenge
*Offer an account
-try to justify (i did this so that...its not my fault)
-make an excuse
*Offer an apology (smartest)
-show appropriate emotions
-self-blame
-future behavior |
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Term
| What are some true deception indicators? |
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Definition
| Blink more, shorter responses, more speech errors |
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Term
| In long term relationships, communication about lies consists of |
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Definition
*rituals/metatalk
* relational work
*soothing |
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Term
Complete this statement:
"Lies often arise because a rule __________________________________" |
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Definition
| doesn't work one person in the relationships |
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Term
| In LTR, lies and deception either |
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Definition
| Destabilize relationship or renew stronger commitment |
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Term
| What are the five stage of relational development? |
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Definition
| Initiating, Experimenting, Coming Together/Intensifying, Integrating, Bonding |
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Term
Ray and Jane have been together for three years, and they have decided to get married to showcase their love to their families and friends.
What relational stage is this? |
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Definition
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Term
| Describe the Integrating stage in relational development |
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Definition
The individuals come together to take on the identity of a social unit
Become "WE" and "Me" is less important |
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Term
Feeling are expressed directly. Two began to talk about how they communicate and about the state of the relationship. Spending a great deal of time together, provision of social support, and proof of commitment.
What relational stage is this? |
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Definition
| Coming together/Intensifying |
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Term
"So where are you from"
"What classes are you taking"
These phrases are common of what relational stage? |
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Definition
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Term
| What is the initiating stage of relational development? |
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Definition
| The stage in which the goal is to show that you are interested in making contact and to show you are a kind or person worth talking to |
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Term
| Matching conflict styles work only if couple______________________________. |
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Definition
| Learns how to work things out |
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Term
| What happens in validating conflict couples? |
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Definition
*Compromise often
*calmly work-out problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise
*can become mundane/boring/predictable |
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Term
*Conflict erupts often
*passionate disputes
*Couples often: equal, independent, open about feelings, exciting/passionate |
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Definition
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Term
| Explain conflict avoiding conflict styles |
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Definition
* agree to disagree
* rarely confront
* most destructive if paired with a validating or violative person |
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Term
| What types of conflict cause martial/LTR breakdown? |
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Definition
| 1) Harsh Set-Up 2) 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse 3)Flooding 4) Failed Repair Efforts 5) Lack of positive affect |
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Term
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Definition
| extreme negativity/sarcasm |
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Term
| What are the four horsemen of the Apocalypse? |
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Definition
1. Complaints=specific/criticisms=general
2. Contempt/Disgust= fed up
3. Defensiveness ("not my fault","you always...","you dont care how i feel", mind reading, using others to stop attacks= leads to stronger attack)
4. Stonewalling (refuse to talk, men>women, when partner who never does stonewall=end, usually later in life ) |
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Term
| Which is the worse of the 4 horsemen? Why? |
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Definition
| Contempt/Disgust; Hardest to get message across when partner is "disgusted", Leads partner to either attack or avoid |
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Term
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Definition
*Partner's negativity is so overwhelming and/or sudden that is leave you shell shocked and defenseless
*often stonewalling is due to flooding
*the more it happens, the more likely to shut down |
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Term
| When one partner makes efforts to deescalate tension during argument, the other partner often... |
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Definition
| Uses other tactics such as harsh set-up, 4 horseman, flooding to rill back up; Failed Repair Efforts |
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Term
| Little positive connection and/or is emotionally disconnected |
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Definition
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Term
| What are some ways that couples/friends remain happy? |
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Definition
*Low disclosure but think it's high
*Have conflicts, but think they dont they fight
*Positive ideas of conflict resolution
*Blame outside forces or unusual circumstances for relational stress
*Choose battles carefully
*Forgive AND forget
*Share and hold on to beliefs
*View partner, marriage, other events as highly positive
*Self-fulfilling prophecy-if you treat them like A, they will be A
*Humor
*Positive Behaviors
*Remember how they met, etc
*Slightly disillusioned |
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Term
| What are the central claims of the social exchange theory? |
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Definition
A.We are influenced by the rewards/costs of relationships
B. People stay in LTRs when satisfied enough |
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Term
| When does relational satisfaction occur? |
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Definition
| A) Rewards exceeds costs & B) When personal standards are met (CL) |
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Term
| What are the different types of relational satisfaction rewards? |
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Definition
1. emotional
2. instrumental- do they help me reach my goals
3. social- do they have friend, help me find friends
4. opportunity- are they in a certain social network, benefits, etc |
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Term
| What is the equation for relational satisfaction? |
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
| What are your alternatives to the current relationships |
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Term
| What is the equation for commitment? |
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Definition
| high relational satisfaction + low COMPalt + high degree of investment |
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Term
| What is Rusbult's concept of investment |
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Definition
Intrinsic (investment in self)
Extrinsic (investment in other things, kids, house, etc) |
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Term
| What is the equity theory? |
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Definition
| Equity measured as the ratio of contributions and benefits of each partner. Don't have to have equal benefit, just an equal ratio |
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Term
| What are the three basic principles of the equity theory? |
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Definition
1) Minimize outcomes so that rewards>costs
2) Rules are developed so that resouces are fairly distributed
3) Reward those who treat good, punish those who treat bad
4) Inequitable relationship - distress, have to restore equity |
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Term
| Equity doesnt work in what situations? |
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Definition
| When there is a really bad problem (ie alcohol) or family affairs |
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Term
| What are the way to restore equity? |
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Definition
| 1) leave 2) restore actual equity (power relationships, etc) 3) restore psychological equity |
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Term
| What are the four stages of relational breakdown? |
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Definition
1) Intrapsychic Phase
2) Dyadic Phase
3) Social Phase
4) Grave Dressing Phase |
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Term
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Definition
*Assessing and evaluating the other person's behavior
* mental list of partner's flaw
**Communicatively: talks to a "wall" |
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Term
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Definition
*Decide should the relationship be fixed, (redefine)changed, or ended
***oscillation and uncertainty, negativity, 4 hourseman
-return of Is and Yous |
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Term
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Definition
*Publicy state that is may be over
*support of the network
*feel justified in leaving
*distribute news/get differnt perspectives |
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Term
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Definition
*relationship is dead
*major activity is getting over it
*leave with reputation for relationship reliability in tact
*have good version of break up sotry (fatal flaw)=closure and moved on
*dont tell people of bad treatment of past partners, because they will treat you that way |
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Term
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Definition
1) Intrapsychic Phase: repair focus to mentally change views of partner
2) Dyadic Phase: RF= fix relationship, don't talk too much about it, reframe, together activities
3) Social Phase- RF= help hold partners together/help people save face
4) Grave Dressing Phase- RF=get partners emotionally ready to move on; minimize damage; leave relationship w.out demonizing other |
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Term
| What is the most common reason for breakup? |
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Definition
| Breakdown of communication |
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Term
| What are the three types of "passing away" breakups |
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Definition
1. New intimate
2. Interaction distance
3.Psychological and physical development |
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Term
| What are the three types of jealousy? |
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Definition
| Time, Person, Opportunity |
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Term
| What are the five reasons of Sudden Death |
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Definition
1. When just playing roles, and role are not longer needed
2. The decision becomes bilateral
3. Difference in expectations
4. Unforeseen event
5. Irrevocable Act |
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Term
| Five disengagement strategies |
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Definition
1. positive tone "im sorry"
2. negative identity management "make sure youre the one thru dating"
3.justification
4.behavioral deescalation (avoiding)
5.de-escalation |
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