• people in relationships experience ongoing tensions between contradictory impulses
• contradictions can't always be resolved

views contradictions as "either/or"

ex:  either close or distant

relationships are not linear

• rejects the term "relational development"
• swings back and forth between contradictory desires held by one or both partners

relational life is characterized by change

• relationships develop as new life events occur
• quantitative and qualitative nature of the relationship changes with life changes

contradiction is the fundamental fact of relational life

• pushes/pulls of relational life = ongoing

communication is central to organizing and negotiating relational contradictions

• com is a tool
• dialectic unity:  the way people use com to make sense of contradictions in their relationships

• totality:  interdependence of people in a relationship; includes social and cultural contexts
• contradiction
• motion:  relationships change over time
• praxis:  humans are choice-makers, affected by...
• previous choices, others' choices, cultural/social conditions

• autonomy and connection:  simultaneous desires to maintain indp. and to fulfill the need for affiliation
• openness and protection:  conflicting desires to be open and maintain privacy
• novelty and predictability:  contradictory needs for the comfort of stability and excitement of change

contextual dialects:

public and private dialectic

• tension of having a private relationship in a public life
• public expectations favor kin relationships over friendships
• double agency:  some relationships have both public and private functions

contextual dialectics:

real and ideal dialectic

• contrasting expectations one has of a relationship vs. what actual happens
• expectations might be idealized

responses to dialectics:

cyclic alternation

• choosing one of the opposing tensions to feature for a while and then choosing the other
• ex:  sibling relationships
• all strategies are improvisational, affected by time, and can be complicated by unintended consequences

responses:

segmentation

• isolating areas of a relationship in which a tension will be emphasized
• ex:  a married couple who own a business together stress predictability at work, but novelty at home

responses:

selection

• choosing one of the opposing tensions, ignoring the other
• ex:  partners choose to be close at all times and ignore the need for autonomy

responses:

integration

• synthesizing opposing tensions
• neutralizing:  compromise btwn opposing tensions
• disqualifying:  counteracts the tension by exempting issue from communication
• reframing:  transforming the dialectic so it doesn't seem contradictory

weaknesses

• parsimony:  too few dialectical tensions have been identified
• some new dialectics could fit into the existing structures, perserving parsimony

strengths

• heuristic
• utility:  explains push and pull of relational life better than other models