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Definition
| the beliefs and convictions that people have about themselves, their relationships with others, their roles in life, and their ministry |
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| reflects the beliefs and convictions in the stories |
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| performance that is permeated with a grace-filled acceptance of our limitations and flaws (and our strengths) |
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| those of us who deny our vulnerability and woundedness and who, consequently walk around as wounded people seeking to help ohters |
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-a threshold of perception
-a period of retreat wherein we must suspend the ordinary routine of life so as to have time to regroup |
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made up of the convictions and beliefs that we hold about ourselves
-themes include:early memories;whether or not we feel welcomed and wanted; our birth order; gender; name and nickname; peer and sibling relationships; roles we played in our family of origin; parental discipline in our family of origin and in school; parents relationship; stories we identify with |
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-the belief that you are unwanted, even unwelcome in life
-we respond by trying to win love and affection from others |
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-the conviction that we have no real power or agency to impact our lives and the lives of others, our environment, and our world
-feel victimized, helpless, become overly vigilant, seeking to identify potential perpetrators before they can abuse us
-ministers must be able to claim power, "affirming our power" does not mean power over anyone or the power to dominate; it means being empowered to do what God has called us to do |
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| -distrust of the world, fears getting emotionally close, fears being hurt or disappointed, desires closeness but threatened by intimacy, accompanied by a belief that we are unrealistically flawed and imperfect |
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| -the conviction that you must be good and gracious at all costs, rooted in feelings that you cannot be angry or upset because this will make others uncomfortable, goal of perfect goodness |
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| myth of invulnerability-pm |
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Definition
-vulnerability viewed as liability, showing our mistakes, hangups sign of weakness
-ministers must be open to being vulnerable, help in empathizing |
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| myth of sole responsibility-pm |
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| -relates to the conviction that what happens in life depends solely on us, we feel alone in the responsibility, drained and tired feelings, comes from extra responsibility as a child |
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| myth of self sacrifice or unlovability-pm |
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-belief that we will only be loved if we hide our true selves
-women are raised to self-sacrifice |
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| -the conviction that our role in life remains to bring stability and and peace to the family, can be positive or negative |
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| we believe that emotional closeness is dangerous, must stay disengaged or disconnected from relationships in order to be a self |
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| ministry family and marriage myths |
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| differ in intensity, not kinds.... under pressure to have model marriages and families b/c of the influence of the myth of perfection |
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| beliefs about ideals: perfect mate, ideal marriage, self as ideal mate |
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| made up of ideal children, ideal parents, and ideal families |
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| Caregiver's Three Families |
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| -the pastor/caregiver is a member of three families the family of origin(the family into which he or she is born) the family of creation (the family the pastor and her or his spouse create) and the family of the church/ministry setting |
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-commonly found among religious caregivers who were assigned adult responsibility as children, ie lost childhood
-ideal mate: the expectation that our spouse creates and environment of joy that compensates for the childhood we lost while crowing up |
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-more commonly found among women ministers, grows out of cultural expectations of women
-deciding to take less when more is possible
-ideal mate: settling dictates that it is sufficient to find a mate who allows one to retain a vestige of the role played in the family of origin, settling for no more than what one experienced in childhood |
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| myth of parental substitute-mm |
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Definition
-the conviction that we have to be responsible for the lives of others-- especially our parents
-ideal mate: meets the needs our parents did not meet for us as children, even if that means self-sacrifice for the mate |
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| myth of repudiating family-of-origin pitfalls-mm |
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Definition
-consciously make an effort to marry someone who we believe can potentially help us avoid repeating the past, only want to re-experience the positive things from our family of origin
-ideal mate: expected to repudiate the negative family-of-origin experience |
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| myth of a knight in shining armor- mm |
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| -women caregivers turn to fairy tale stories to face critical points of transition in their lives |
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| myth of unlimited affection-mm |
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| -ideal mate: shows constant unlimited, unwavering affection |
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| myth of positive communication-mm |
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| -must learn to communicate our own marriage myths with mates in order to work through them and help each other understand why we expect certain things, and why we shouldn't |
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| myth of limited possibility in midlife-mm |
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| -myth that change is not really possible in midlife, by that time we are "set in our ways" |
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| myth of fulfilling the family legacy |
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| -having certain expectations for children that they may or may not be able/willing to meet |
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| myth of premature adult responsibility |
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| -wanting to raise children who would be independent thinkers reasoning for themselves, participatory form of child-raising wherein children were given the right to express their own opinions and participate in family discussions and decision making |
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| myth of dire consequences |
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| -a belief shared by all family members that the family cannot survive unless a selected person plays a specific-for him/her- sacrificial role |
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| myth of family mediator and myth of the scapegoat |
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Definition
-mediation: finds a particular family member selected to be the family reconcile r to whom every family member turns when there is conflict
-scapegoat: the family member selected by the family to carry its pain and guilt |
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| "non-negotiable" expectations that people usually have of religious caregivers |
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Definition
1. we must be superhuman
2. for those of use who are ministers, the minister and family must be models or exemplars of superior behavior and impeccable living for the entire community
-certain myths impact our functioning as minister/caregiver |
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Term
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Definition
| -diverse interrelated themes make up a ministerial mythology: the call, self-esteem, self-differentiation, social roles, authority, narrative plots that form a comprehensive image of ministry |
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| myth of overfunctioning-min m |
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Definition
-the narrative says our lives have no meaning unless we are working hard to make sure that others fulfill their lives
-we must take on the major responsibility for maintaining and enhancing our relationships with others |
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| myth of self-sufficiency-min m |
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Definition
-loners and those who remain aloof are vulnerable to this myth
-the belief that we are self-sufficient and don't need anyone else in performing our ministerial roles
-superwoman myth: sees herself as independent, self-sufficient, able to manage everything by herself, new cultural ideal, primary quality is total independence from people |
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| myth of sacrificing joy- min m |
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-long tradition of self-sacrifice in Western and European Christianity, negative attitude toward wordly pleasures and joys, being sad is being marked as someone special in the Kingdom of God
-the belief that having fun is frivolous and a waste of time when one could be doing much more with life, sacrifice of fun and joy is rooted not only in family-of-origin dynamics but also in the cultural and historical legacy of capitalism in Europe and the US |
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| myth of pleasing at all costs- min m |
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| -feeling like others are not concerned or interested in our own problems, sacrificing who we are to make sure that others are happy, place their need for nurture and growth before our own, desire to please and be liked becomes so overwhelming at times we literally lose our sense of self |
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| myth of under functioning- min m |
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Definition
-can arise from a belief that one is a victim
-belief that we have no real capacity for ministry b/c of our victimization in childhood |
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| Assumptions About Reauthoring |
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Definition
1. reality is socially constructed
2. transformation is possible, but not easy
3. change occurs normally throughout life cycle transitions, as well as at less predictable moments such as a sudden upheaval or trauma
4. innovation is facilitated when we envisage our own role in creating our own myths
5. Re-storying or discovering novel dimensions of our own stories facilitates transformation
6. bringing new perspectives to past experience helps create new story possiblilities |
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| Phases of Reauthoring Personal Myths |
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1. identify the themes that make up our personal myth
2. assess the influence of these themes in our lives over a period of time. this assessment determines if the themes are growth-facilitating or growth-inhibiting, and whether they contribute to our being wounded healers rather than remaining walking wounded
3. Attempt to discern God's presence or a spiritual force at work in transforming these themes into themes of a wounded healer
4. make plans to alter themes of the personal myth in order to increase our growth possibilities |
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| Establishing the Environment for Reauthoring |
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Definition
-proper environment:safe, warm, open
-others: supportive and care about us
-must discuss all expectations and goals, free from interuptions, be relaxed and focuses
-professional assistance: person's skills, training, and experience
-important because reauthoring our myths is threatening, causes anxiety (outside our comfort zone), we will resist |
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| Reauthoring:Identifying Themes |
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Definition
| relaxation exercises, series of questions, write down answers |
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| Reauthoring: Mapping and Assessing |
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| -trace associations between myths and experiences, envisage obstacles to growth and happiness, discover alternate ways to interpret the past |
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| discern the transforming forces at work; identify God's presence and work in our lives (prayer, reading spiritual books, identify with biblical characters) |
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| Reauthoring: Making Plans |
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-revise the story, outline specific steps to modify the myth
-spiritual guides
-doing research
-personal counseling
-accountability groups
-continuing education focused on spiritual disciplines |
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| Reauthoring: Returning Home |
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Definition
| -it can be useful to know the personal myths of your family of origin and the people in your life |
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| Reauthoring Marital and Family myths: |
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-follows the same phases as personal myth reauthoring
-symbolic divorce and remarriage between spouses |
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-returning the marriage or family system to the original dynamic state that existed prior to the impetus for change
-in this form of change, the marital and family myths remain intact |
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| -actually reauthoring (or editing) the marital and family myths so that the original myths are altered considerably and the behavior of those involved is substantially affected |
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| Reauthoring Ministry Myths: |
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Definition
-same phases
-focus on: the role of the call
-emphasis on discerning God's presence |
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Term
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Definition
| someone who accepts their wounds and vulnerability, embraces their woundedness and tend to it before helping others |
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Term
| first order change (Kornfeld) |
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Definition
| adjust to their present situation, learn to function better, but their basic situation does not change |
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| second order change (Kornfeld) |
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| paradigmatic shift, new perception of reality, a whole system is changed... i.e. new parents, falling in love, being ordained, change in profession, diagnosis of serious illness, religious conversion |
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Term
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Definition
| an entire constellation of beliefs, values, techniques, and so on shared by the members of a given community |
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| Guiding Principles for "gardening" |
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Definition
1. People are whole: mind, body, psyche, and spirit are integrated into that whole.
2. paradigm shifted, becoming more aware of our wholeness
3.people need each other
4. we are always changing
5. wholeness contains both negative and positive
6. become aware of wholeness in relationship
7.moving away from hierarchical relationships to collegial relationships
8. integrating science, human behavior, and religion
9. learning to live with ambiguity
10. Individuals need to be respected |
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| Seven Practices for Resolving Conflict |
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Definition
1. Face to Face Sitting Practice
2. Remembrance Practice
3. Nonstubbornnes Practices
4. Voluntary Confession Practice
5. Decision by Consensus Practice
6. Covering Mud with Straw Practice
7. Accepting the Verdict Practice |
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| Face to Face Sitting Practice |
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| -According to this practice the dispute must be stated before the entire convocation with both sides of the conflict present. This is to avoid private conversations about the conflict that inevitably influence people against one side or the other, creating further discord and tension. |
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| In the convocation, both parties involved try to remember from the beginning everything that led up to the conflict. Details should be presented with as much clarity as possible. Witnesses and evidence should be provided if available. The community listens quietyl and patiently to both sides in order to obtain adequate information to examine the dispute. |
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| The people in question are expected to resolve the conflict. The community expects both parties to demonstrate their willingness to reach reconciliation. Stubbornness is to be considered negative & counterproductive. In case a party claims he violated a precept because of ignorance or an unsettled state of mind, without actually intending to violate it, the community should take that into account in order to find a solution that is agreeable to both sides. |
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| Voluntary Confession Practice |
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| Each party is encouraged to admit his own transgressions and shortcomings without having to be prodded by the other party or the community. The community should allow each party ample time to confess his own failings, no matter how minor they may seem. Admitting one's faults begins a process of reconciliation and encourages the other party to do likewise. This leads to the possibility of full reconciliation. |
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| Decision by Consensus Practice |
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| After hearing both sides and being assured of the wholehearted efforts by both sides to reach a settlement, the community reaches a verdict by consensus. |
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| Covering Mud with straw Practice |
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| During the convocation a venerable elder is appointed to represent each side in the conflict. They are respected, and they sit and listen intently, saying little. Their few words carry special weight. Their words have the capacity to soothe and heal wounds, call forth reconciliation and forgiveness. Thanks to the presence of these elders the disputing parties find it easier to release petty concerns. Bitterness is eased and the community is able to reach a verdict agreeable to both sides. |
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| Accepting the Verdict Practice |
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| When the verdict is reached it will be read aloud three times. If no one in the community voices disagreement with it, it is considered final. Neither party in dispute has the right to challenge the verdict. They have agreed to place their trust in the community's decision and carry out whatever verdict the community reaches. |
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| The 5 step Solution Focused Treatment Model |
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Definition
1. Working with the Client: How to Form a Cooperative Working Relationship
2. How to Begin Treatment with the End in Mind: Negotiating Well-Formed Treatment Goals
3. Orienting the Client Toward Solutions: How to Interview for Change
4. Solution Focused Interventions: How to Construct Interventions that Invite and Facilitate Change
5. Goal Continuation: How to Help the Client Continue Noticing Change |
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| Step 1: Working with the Client: How to Form a Cooperative Working Relationship |
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Definition
-more akin to coaching and conversation than traditional psychotherapy
-Categories of relationships to the work:
1. Visitor-Host Relationship(someone else sent the counselee)
2. Complainant- Listener Relationship-(the counselee is actively involved and change can be expected)
3. Customer-Seller Relationship (counselee wants to do something about the complaint, therapist sells ideas/strategies) |
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| Step 2: How to Begin Treatment with the End in Mind: Negotiating Well-Formed Treatment Goals |
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Definition
Seven Qualities of Well Formed Goals
1. Salient- must be the client's goal
2. Small-small changes have a domino effect that create greater change
3. Concrete, Specific, Behavioral. -make them precise
4. Presence rather than the absence of something. - client will doe something rather than not do something.
5. A beginning rather than an end. -focus on the first step, clients can typically take the next step themselves
6. Realistic and Achievable within the context of the clients life.
7. Received as involving "hard work". perceiving the work of therapy as "involving hard work" promotes personal responsibility |
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| Step 3: Orienting the Client Toward Solutions: How to Interview for Change |
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Definition
1. What brings you here today?
2. What is already changing?
3. Suppose a miracle happens...
4. What else will be different after the miracle?
5. How is the miracle already happening, even a little?
6. On a scale of zero to ten....
7. What else? |
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| Step 4: Solution Focused Interventions: How to Construct Interventions That Invite and Facilitate Change |
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Definition
-compliments form the first part of the solution-focused therapists mesage to all clients
-visitor-host intervention:because visitors do not believe they have a problem, they are not given therapeutic tasks to perform before the next session
Complainant-Listener Intervention: tasks given are designed to use the skills the complainant already has
Customer-seller Interventions:given explicit behavioral or action-oriented tasks, observe changes after task completion |
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| Step 5: Goal continuation: How to Help the Client Continue Noticing Change |
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Definition
EARS:
Elicit-begin with open ended questions
Amplify-ask for details (when,who, where, how)
Reinforce-indirect compliments
Scaling Questions- re-ask the same scaling questions used before to show progress |
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