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| Imagine a world where everyone could only tell the truth? Your makeup looks ridiculous. Your breath stinks; Justin Bieber is a horrible musician and so on. And then we have the world where we say, Oh dayum girl, that makeup is fine, what toothpaste are you using? Smells real good, Bieber is the best musician. Lies. |
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| My mum says in her accent “Uzo, Lying is very bad”, but I beg to differ. I say lying is very bad, if you don’t have the skills at doing it. If you are going to lie, the least you can do is make it believable. Like many skills, this talent is cultivated based on practice, consistency and application. This is called, the art of lying. |
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| The other day in maths class, my maths teacher said, Practice makes perfect, no, no, practice, just makes you slightly better and that is what you need in order to improve this skill. Everyone does it. Why not be the best at it? |
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| The truth is usually really hurtful, unpleasant, mundane, terrifying or hard to deal with. Why do you lie? I lie to avoid consequence such as embarrassment, failure, jail, or sometimes just because it’s easier than relying on the complicated truth. For example, where exactly did you get that? You could say, I got it from my mum who got it from her friend who had bought it from the market that is beside the other market or you could lie and say, “Oh this, I don’t really remember” |
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| The truth is usually really hurtful, unpleasant, mundane, terrifying or hard to deal with. Why do you lie? I lie to avoid consequence such as embarrassment, failure, jail, or sometimes just because it’s easier than relying on the complicated truth. For example, where exactly did you get that? You could say, I got it from my mum who got it from her friend who had bought it from the market that is beside the other market or you could lie and say, “Oh this, I don’t really remember” |
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| Doorbell rings and it is your daddy’s friend. The first thing your dad does is call you over to the corner and whispers, “Tell him I am not home” and then you look and you say in you tiny voice, “Huh, but you are” and then dad goes “Just tell him, I am not home”. At the age of 3, you can lie but you haven’t mastered the technique yet. So, you go to the door in attempt to lie for you father and go “My daddy just said I should tell you, I am not home”. Yup, Inexperience. |
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| I can be very mischievous but I never get myself into any trouble. Why? I lie myself out. I am not telling you to lie; I am demanding, you lie. Five easy steps to doing so are; |
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| 1. Lie politely. Based on research done by University of Massachusetts, women most often lie to make others feel better. Your best friend gets 4% on maths in which everyone is getting 60% on. Instead of telling them the brutal truth, which is, you are stupid, you can lie by saying, you are much smarter than many other people, who have yet to exist. |
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| 2. Lie reasonably. Why exaggerate? Don’t. Just don’t. Example: Teacher asks you for your homework. Your response, “The dog ate my homework” Seriously, seriously? What makes you think the dog would like it any better than you do. A better way to have saved yourself is by saying “I was doing it. I did it. Completely finished it. But, I left it on my desk. ”. |
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| 3. Lie consistently. Each lie has to follow up from one to another and more. You can’t change your lie. Once you are in it, just keep going. Somewhere along the line, it’ll end. Trust me, I am not even lying right now. As Austrian-Born German politician, Adolf Hitler mentions, “Make the lie big, make it simple, and keep saying it and eventually, they will believe it”. |
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| 4. Lie by omission method. Basically means, not telling the whole truth. Your parents ask, “Where are you going?” “I am going to Mel’s place” but you excluded the fact that there would be drugs, alcohol, and boys, knowing fully well, they won’t let you. But, I really don’t call this lying, I call it, omission |
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| 5. Never lie to yourself. Research as shown, most men lie to themselves in order to feel better. Famous fictional character from the animated series, The Simpsons, Mr. Homer Jay Simpson says; it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. You can’t play those two roles. |
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| You lie, I lie, the person next to you lies. Everyone lies. Don’t stop it. Just better yourself at it. If Pinocchio had followed these steps, his nose would have stopped growing. Save yourself from embarrassment, failure, and save others from hurting. Lying is universal. Practice, be consistent and apply. Hypocrites say, liars are cowards but, novelist, Samuel Butler says, “Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.” |
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