Interpersonal

Communication

Self-Actualization

Ego

Social

Security

Physical

Contains both content and relationship:

content: actual words said

relationship info: through nonverbal cues such as vocal tone, pitch, volume, facial expression, eye contact, hand gestures, posture

2/7 principles of comm

intentional or unintentional

"one cannot not communicate"

verbal/nonverbal

3/7

effective or ineffective

Effective: understanding sender and receiver

Miscommunication: sending an intentional message that is misinterpreted

Attempted: sending an intentional message that the receiver misses

Misinterpretation: unintentionally sending a message that is misinterpreted

Accidental:unintentionally sending a message that the receiver observes and interprets correctly

4/7

symmetrical or asymmetrical

symmetrical: same on both sides

asymmetrical: different feelings

5/7

Intertwined with Ethics

6/7

Irreversible

7/7

IPC is dynamic

(ever changing)

communication, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, emotions are all in flux

no two interactions will ever be the same

no two moments with the same interaction will ever be identical

1st step of remembering a name

Impression

-hear distinctly- listen, focus on the name

-ask them to repeat, spell, or write it

-take a mental snapshot of the person

-vocal tone, facial characteristics, body

2nd step of remembering a name

Repitition

-use their name in conversation several times

-repeat silently

-use their name afterwards

3rd step of remembering someone's name

Association

-rhyme

-appearance

-meaning

-mind picture

-similar name

-name is only an offshoot of the desire to remember the person behind the name

-show genuine interest

-be a good listener

-make connections

-make them feel important and liked by being sincere

Romantic introductions

3 types

Flippant: goofy

Innocuous: conversation starter (works better on girls)

Direct: (girls & boys prefer)

*all work for boys

Observation: report what senses tell you

Opinion: draw conclusions, make value judgements

feeling: give emotion

need: express what you want or think you want in a given situation

Politeness Theory

goal:

Explains why and how individuals try to promote, protect, or "save" face

face

2 sides of face

Positive: need to be liked, appreciated, admired

Negative: desire to act freely without constraint

*can overlap

3 assumptions of politeness theory

1. All people are concerned with maintaining face

2. Humans are rational and goal oriented

3. Some behaviors are fundamentally face threatening

Preventative facework

Avoid/change topics, lie, pretend not to notice

Corrective facework

5 strategies

1. Avoid 2. Go off the record (hint) 3. Negative politeness 4. Positive politeness 5. Bald on record

<----------------------------------------------->

Maintaining positive face                                          Maintaining negative face

*women are much more likely to "save" face and use politeness

*prestige, power, and risk can all effect decisions in politeness

5 types of Qualifying Language

1.

1. Intensifiers: soooo, quite, very (women 5x more)

5 types of Qualifying language

2.

2. Hedgers: try to soften: maybe, perhaps, just saying (no gender)

--------Disclaimers: type of hedger:---------

-credentialing: I'm your mother so...

-sin license: it IS my birthday...

-cognitive disclaimer: this might sound crazy but...

-appeal for suspended judgement: just hear me out...

5 types of qualifying language

3.

Verbal fillers: like, right, well, ok

(no gender difference)

5 types of qualifying language

4.

Hypercorrection: "Affect not Effect"

(women do more often)

5 types of qualifying language

5.

Socioeconomic rationale:

jobs, main caretaker

Question Asking

Compound vs. Direct

Compound: "I know it's probably my turn, and that you did it last week, but would you mind if you get a minute taking out the trash?" (women)

Direct: "Take out the trash." (men)

Tag Questions

making a declarative statement and following it with a question relating to same statement

example: "I hated that movie, didn't you?"

-mixed sex 3x's as many as in female groups

-men in professional meetings twice as many as women

Use of Questions

men vs. women

Women: permission to take the floor, conversation starters

Men: Interrogation, conversation direction selection

Uncertainty

the inability to predict the attitudes and/or behaviors of another

Premise of the Uncertainty Reduction Theory

When strangers meet, their main concern is one of uncertainty reduction or increased predictability about the behavior of both themselves and others in the interaction.
Assumption: the driving force of initial encounters is obtaining information about the other person to reduce uncertainty

4 reasons we want to decrease uncertainty

1. High incentive value

2. Anticipated future interaction

3. If someone is deviating from expected behavior

4. Anticipated positive versus negative information

8 axioms of URT

1. At onset we talk because we have uncertainty. As verbal communication increases, uncertainty decreases

2. Uncertainty causes us to be nonverbally expressive. The more nonverbal expressive, the less uncertainty

3. At onset high uncertainty leads to high information seeking. As uncertainty lowers, so does info seeking

4. When uncertainty is high, there are low levels of intimate verbal communication. As uncertainty lowers, intimate verbal communication rises

5. When uncertainty is high, there are high levels of turn-taking

6. Similarity reduces uncertainty. Lack of them increases uncertainty.

7. Increases in uncertainty levels produce decreases in liking and vice cersa

8. Shared communication networks reduce uncertainty and vice versa

3 ways we info-seek to reduce uncertainty

Passive: observe from a distance

Active: Ask a 3rd party

Interactive: Ask person directly

Family Comm:

Cohesion

How loyal is your family? Do you communicate? Do you hang out?

Cohesion: disengaged

members maintain extreme separateness, little family loyalty/belonging

(ex: children don't know their father or he isn't part of the picture)

Cohesion: Separated

Experience emotional independence, with some joint involvement

Cohesion: Connected

Strive for emotional closeness, loyalty, and joint involvement

Cohesion: enmeshed

Experience extreme closeness, loyalty, and almost no individuality

Adaptability: rigid

Operate under decision making styles and strict rules and roles

Adaptability: Structured

Experience authoritarian and some equalitarian leadership and stable rules and roles

Adaptability: flexible

experience negotiation and decision making and easily changed rules and roles

Adaptability: chaotic

Have nonexistent leadership, confused decision making and varied rules and roles

Time, space, and energy: closed

Tend to regulate functions with fixed boundaries. Interact less with outside world; spend time, fulfill needs within the family unit, events are tightly scheduled and predictable

Time, space, and energy: open

flexible boundaries, members are encouraged to seek experiences in the outside space and RETURN to the family with ideas family may use if group likes it; seldom use censorship or force

Time, space, energy: random

unpredictable, do your own thing, family members and outsiders JOIN in the living space based on interest or desire, time spent together is irregular

Self-disclosure: high cohesion

May resist negative disclosure (hurts the loyalty, everyone "feels" it)

Self-disclosure: low cohesion

May tolerate negative self-disclosure but have difficulty with positive self disclosure because they're not about emotions

Sexuality Discussions

-10-15% have had "the talk"

-majority report dissatisfaction with quantity or quality of sex discussion

-focus on support and openness vs instruction vs place upon them sexual attitudes

Characteristics of a Dysfuntional Family

-Interactions are complex

-Cruelty

-Scapegoat

-Lack restraint

-Distortion (blurred boundaries)

-Life is taken too seriously (low humor & joy)

-Misperceptions govern interactions

3 types of relational dialectics:

1. Connectedness-Separateness (we-me)

2. Certainty-Uncertainty (routine-spontaneity)

3. Openness-Closedness

<----------------------------------->

Low IPC                         High IPC

Has to do with 1 person. Example, my mother always says "God is watching you." No one else but me and my mom know the implications of this statement.

Social

Pertains to something people of an area would know...example: "Go Cocks!"

Cultural

Something EVERYONE knows....golden rule, etc

7 Principles of Interpersonal Communications

1. IPC contains content & relational info

2. IPC is irreversible

3. IPC is dynamic (ever changing)

4. IPC is intertwined with ethics

5. One cannot not communicate

6. IPC can be effective or ineffective

7. IPC can be symmetrical or asymmetrical

1. Support from partner's network

2. Communication w/ partners network

3. amount of communication w/ partner=

4. amount of similarity between partners

1 & 2 most important to stability in a relationship

8 Codes of Nonverbal Comm

1. Kinesics (waving)

2. Vocalics (pitch, loudness)

3. Haptics (shaking hands)

4. Proxemics (distance)

5. Chronemics (use of time)

6. Physical Appearance

7. Artifacts (personal belongings)

8. Environment (structure of physical surroundings)

Attributions

Reasons we create for WHY we do something & WHY things happen

Explanations for Attributions

(chart)

Internal & Stable   |    External & Stable

Internal & Unstable   |    External & Unstable

Actor/Observer Effect

We interpret what happens to I and to you differently in the same situation.

Fundamental Attribution Bias

Tendency to attribute the behavior of others to dispositional characters

Just World Theory

Karma...What goes around comes around

CORFing

BIRGing

Cutting Off Reflected Failure

Basking In Reflected Glory

Liking (2)

Affection: Enjoyable interactions, feel good around them...warmth, closeness, fondness

Loving (3)

Caring: need to give without concern for receiving

Intimacy: sense of deep union between two people

Attachment: powerful drive to be in another's presence. Needing approval, social support, and comfort from someone.

Gender Stereotypes on Love

Quiz 1-9

Romantic Notions

Love at first sight MEN

"Only real love, true love leads to perfect happiness" MEN

Pragmas, socioeconomic reality to be more careful & practical WOMEN

Happiest: Married men

Depressed: Married women

Quiz Continued

Love Styles

Storge: close friendship that becomes love, emotions positive but muted, shared interest in activities

Agapic: selfless, partner's needs before own, giving not receiving, happiness relies on giving

Manic: possessive, demanding, controlling, emotional, obsessive, mostly emotional lows, dependent

Pragma: logical, shopping list, SET 5:1, highest confidence/self esteem level, leave if better fit comes along

Ludic: game playing, casual relationships, avoid commitment, ask right questions, good at getting to know others without telling personal info, sex is fun not serious, pursuit is most rewarding, principle of least interest

Eros: passionate, love at first sight, intense emotional highs and lows, high self disclosure, love falling in love, desire physical contact, high levels of nonverbal affection

4 Step Dialogue for Termination

Summary statement "It's been 2 long years.."

Decreased access message "it is time to come to an end and "see other people"

Future interaction & relationship "I never want to see you again"

Decide separation rules "I get to keep xyz"

Knapp's stages of escalation

Initiating: time sensitive, BEFORE talking, plan what to say, display self as pleasant, likeable, brag, showoff, deceive, scan for commonalities, nervous caustious, situation and time constraints

Experimenting: try to reduce uncertainty, small talk, most don't progress beyond this stage

Intensifying: moving beyond superficial knowledge, gradual movement, increase breadth (range of knowledge) and depth (how much), nicknames, YOU see yourself as "we", inside jokes, verbal shortcuts

Integrating: identities fuse, merge social circles, OTHERS see you as we, common property, similarities in speech, dress, mannerisms, attitudes, beliefs, activities. LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS: Integrating & differentiating

Bonding: public ritual, shortest stage, harder to terminate

Knapp's model of de-escalation

Differentiating: to become distinct, confused, lonely, focus on differences (link btw core values and differences)

Circumscribing: superficial & restricted to certain topics, touchy topics, less affection talk, individualistic activities, cold, distant, unloved, others don't know (silent to party...)

Stagnating: Communication is infrequent, tense, and awkward, any talk will produce negativity, even superficial talk produces negativity, get reward outside the pairing, avoid pain of termination, hope revival, enjoy punishing the other person

Avoiding: short period, rearrange lives to avoid contact, talk is unfriendly, lack of energy to help relationship, angry about why still in the relationship

Termination: ending verbally, physically, and psychologically