1.1. Cross Complaining 

• Response to a request or a complaint with a novel request or compliant 
• The idea of taking whatever your partner is saying and turning it around and making it about them. 

            "You never clean" repsonse: "you never clean"

1.2. Mind Reading

• Making an assumption about another's goals, movtivaiton, and intentions, etc.
• Using your own thoughts
• Question what people are saying becuase you don't belive them...you think they mean something else
• E.g. "you said that to make me mad, to get back at me" etc.

1.3. Kitchen Sinking

• Involves throwing all kinds of events, or misdeed of another, at them all at once
• • Has to do with throwing accusation over accusations
  • More like flooding
  • Starts off with one problems and then more are brought up
  • Often focuses on past - cant' control
  • Overwhelming person on receiving end
  • Destroys trust between people
  • When sk happens, we realize their shortcomings

1.4. I-Statement 

A statement that begins with the word "I". It is frequently used in an attempt to be assertive without putting the listener on the defensive. It can be used to take ownership for one's feelings rather than saying they are caused by the other person. An example of this would be saying, "I feel angry when you make fun of my clothes, and I would prefer that you stop doing that." rather than "Quit saying that crap, you're really making me mad!"

2.  What is active listening?  What does active listening convey to the other person?

- Take what someone is saying and paraphrase it: partner says "you never empty the dishwasher" you say "what I'm hearing is you feel I'm not doing the dishes more…"

• Allows you to process that the information, gives you time to reply rationally and calm self down instead of replying with anger without thinking what is said through

- What does active listening convey:

• Shows respect and validates our feelings
• Acknowledge the legitimacy of other's opinion and communicate respect for their position

Cohabitation 

How have the rates of cohabitation changed over time?

We are more likely to cohabitate today than ever before

• Older  adults have bigger increase in percentage of people that cohabitate: could be divorce
• Unmarried partners involved in a close personal relationship who share living quarters
• Clause A cohabitation is different for
• Is becoming more common
• More than 50% of married couple before marriage

4. Be able to define cohabitation.

Unmarried couples involved in a close personal relationships who share a living quarters

-People in a committed relationship that are not married

-Becoming more common

-More common in adults ages of 25-44

5. Be able to describe the individual characteristics associated with an increased likelihood of cohabitation.

• Adults ages 25-44 
• Lower SES and education: (curvilinear for women: lower education and higher education are more likely to cohabit, not the middle i.e. BS holders)
• Women who value careers are more likely to cohabit
• More liberals (less traditional family roles)
• Less religious
• Those with divorced parents, or previously married

6. Be able to list several reasons why individuals choose to cohabit.

Max rewards/ minimize costs

-Sexual access

- Access to support

-Share cost of living and housework

-Combine income and time

-Easy out

7.  Be able to identify the 4 “types” of cohabitation.

1. Just part of dating/particle (29%)

• Spend a lot of time together

2. Precursor to marriage (46%)

• Couple who move in after deciding to get married
• They know they will get married at some point
• Not engage, agreed to get engaged 

3. Trial marriage (15%)

• Doubts if this is someone you'll marry
• Try out to see if this someone you can marry

4. Instead of marriage (10%)

• In lieu of marriage: more like marriage than any other
• Don't believe in the institution of marriage for whatever reason
• Same sex couple in states that gay marriage is not legal
• They consider themselves married
• Not by us government

8. How do cohabiting couples differ from married couples?

• Gender roles more egalitarian, more liberal views

• Female cohabiters do 31hrs of housework at week
• Male cohabiters do 19 hours of housework a week
• Married: Female = 37, Male = 18
• Keep separate bank accounts /keeping separate living situations
• Keep things separate so it's not hard to disentangle at breakup
• More likely to spend leisure time apart
• Less part of each other's family
• They go to their own families
• 5 to10 plan to get married, but most do not get married

9.1 Be able to name the relationship outcomes associated with premarital cohabitation and 

• Increased risk of divorce, especially for
• Serial monogamists (like people who have divorced before)
• Non-Hispanic, white women (more  agaleratin minded, move in with intention of getting married)
• Worst martial communication quality
• Lower satisfaction
• Increased perception of marital instability
• Increased likelihood of domestic violence : investment might hold in  relation, low SES, alcohol

9.2 Describe the reasons offered for these relationship outcomes with regard to cohabitation.

• Experience, "Cohabitation Effect"
• The experience of cohabitation CAUSES the changes of marital success to decline
• Selection effect
• People who cohabit are fundamentally different than those who choose not to cohabit
• Inertia ( inaction) Effect
• Some couple would otherwise not have married end up marrying anyways (in hopes that marraige would fix things)

Gender

  10.1 Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

Social construction, how we think/react to how people are supposed to be. How people define masculinity and femininity based on the individual's background and surrounding culture. 

10.2  Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

Biological difference, sex organs. Either the male or female division of a species, especially as differentiated with reference to the reproductive functions.

10.3  Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

Learning about what it means to be male and female from the culture in which they live. Information that an individual has learning about gender (cognitive organization)

Idea of what it means to be females or male and all the things that are associated with each 

Stereotypical:

• One group told that one group is watching librarian
• People remember she wore glasses and classical records (confirms librarian schema )
• One group told she was a waiters
• People remember her drinking beer and watching TV (confirms waiters schema )

10.4  Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

• Degree to which an individual sees herself or himself as feminine or masculine based on society's definition of appropriate gender roles
• Just because you're highly masculine doesn't mean you're not feminine

10.5 Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

Unpaid housework that women typically do after they come home from their paid employment e.g. cleaning, laundry, cooking, childcare.

10.6 Be able to define the following terms: Gender, sex, gender schema, gender identity, second shift, leisure gap

In families where both men and women work, men have more leisure time than.

11.  How do children “learn” gender?  Be familiar with how (1) identification theory, (2) cognitive development theory, and (3) social learning theory account for this process.

• Tied to development of conscience or desire to do "right"
• Children's awareness of external genitals
• Kids have to learn what gender they are, it fascinates them

11.2   How do children “learn” gender?  Be familiar with how (1) identification theory, (2) cognitive development theory, and (3) social learning theory account for this process.

Freud’s psychoanalytic theory focuses on children’s

observations about their genitals (e.g., castration anxiety, penis

envy). It has not marshaled much empirical support.

- Sigmund Freud's theory of gender was not testable and very biased
But…

• Recognized importance of biological and social environment
• Was a developmental mode: kids and gender identify change across time.
• You were born in one way and that's how you'll be all the time

11.2 How do children “learn” gender?  Be familiar with how (1) identification theory, (2) cognitive development theory, and (3) social learning theory account for this process.

• We learn gender by categorizing objects
• i.e. only girls can wear barrette
• Gender is a very visible category
• Very early kids get to learn the difference even with clothes on
• Sesame Street
• Plays off natural tendency to categorize: gender is a natural thing we learn

 11.3 How do children “learn” gender?  Be familiar with how (1) identification theory, (2) cognitive development theory, and (3) social learning theory account for this process.

behavioralist theories that rely  on reinforcement  and  modeling  explanations  of  behavior the environment makes people do things.

- Children learn appropriate "gender" behaviors through reinforcement, punishment, and modeling/imitating

• Our kids learn to be like us by modeling
• We all enforce the gender of our  children
• We send the message of childcare and such things when we buy girls dolls, so they become that way
• We are more likely to be associated with same gender parents
• Boys follow their dad and girl looks like mom

1. 12. Be familiar with the gender controversies we discussed in class.

• J-Crew add: shows designer whose son's favorite color was pink, and she painted his nails:
• Very many vocal outrages against
• Should we discourage kids: yes, confuses them according to some people
• Little boy dressed up as Daphnie from scoopy do for Halloween 
• Violating norms: e.g. dressing as a woman, or facing the other way in an elevator
• What does the boy dressing like a girl suggest about the boy:
• Parents are more willing in buying girls boy toys than they are buying boys girl toys.
• We are more uncomfortable with male homosexual with male sexuality than female homosexuality

13. What evidence suggests that gender stereotypes are a self-fulfilling prophesy?

Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that cua causes those expectations to be fulfilled. You're expected to act a certain way, and when you do you believe it to be true (even if it were false)

When asked to assign tasks, individuals tended to assign masculine tasks to men and feminine tasks to women—but only when they knew the gender of the person they were assigning tasks to (otherwise, they just assigned a variety of tasks that didn’t clearly adhere to gendered lines).   What’s more, the recipients of these tasks tended to conform to the image the assigners had of them (i.e., behave in stereotypically masculine or feminine ways).  

Assign male task to a male partner, and female task to a female partner

• Less willing to negotiate with the female (people he thought were men)
• Recipient conforms to the way she is being treated: women thought to be men, acted like men. And women thought to be women
• Preconceived notion of people make people behave the way
• More willing to negotiate with men

14. Be able to explain why a statistically signficant gender difference does not necessarily mean that the difference is especially meaningful.  Gender differences in ________________________ appear to be especially pronounced.

Gender differences in height and masturbation are especially pronounced.

This has everything to do with where the mean of two bell curves lie in relation to one another.  The more the bell curves of men and women overlap on a specific trait (e.g., empathy), the less of a gender difference there is.  If they are wider apart, there is more of a gender difference.  Statistical significance just means that the likelihood of the detected gender difference being an error is less than chance -- it really doesn't speak to how large it is.  You can have a statistically significant difference that doesn't mean much in the scheme of things.

15. What are three reasons that equally qualified women tend to earn less money than men?

• Female dominated jobs pay less
• Interruption of pregnancy and child birth
• Lower rates of hiring and promotion

• Men tend to be more aggressive when negotiating their salaries
• Women less likely to receive more during a raise and are less inclined to ask for more

1   16. According to husbands, who spends more time doing housework?  According to wives?  About how many hours of housework do husbands report doing each week?  How many hours do wives think their husbands do?  Who seems to be more accurate?  How big of a gap does there appear to be in spouses’ reports of wives’ household labor, according to beeper reports?

• Husbands AND Wives agree, Wives spend more time
• Both H&W have similar reports of W’s time
• H&W have different reports on H’s time
• Husbands report doing 3 hours more work than wives report them doing
• Difference in gap between H&W’s Labor from Reports
• H reports = 7.2 hours/week
• W reports = 13.2 hours/week
• Men overestimate the work they do
• Difference in gap from beeper data: 5-9.1 hours

Family Violence 

17. Be able to list the predictors of family violence.

• Low SES
• Stressful events
• Unemployment
• Unplanned Pregnancy
• Family Background
• Growing up in a violent family
• 1000X’s more likely to be abusers if you grow up in an abusive household
• Women - growing up as a victim of abuse is correlated with having an abusive partner
• Men are more likely to be an abuser - BUT not all men who witness/grow up around abuse will become an abuser  

   18. Be able to recall the important details of the Rhianna/Chris Brown abuse scandal.

• they were on their way home from an award ceremony
• -neither of them was under the influence
• - an ex-girlfriend texted Chris, Rihanna questioned him and as the argument escalated, Chris started to hit Rihanna as they were driving.
• - Rihanna claims to not hitting back
• - there was a restraining order against Chris Brown
• -Rihanna attempted to make things better and salvage the relationship when she went to visit him and stay for awhile, but it was too late and she had grown resentment for Chris

19. What explanations have been offered for why abused partners do not leave their relationships?  What are some characteristics of people that tend to stay in violent relationships?

• More likely to leave during/when violence causes injury and is escalating
• Characteristics that are related to being less likely to leave an abusive relationship:
• Being older
• Viewing violence as more normative
• Depression, anxiety, lack of efficacy
• Religion
• Financial dependence
• Embarrassment

20. What are the two major kinds of family violence?  What are the characteristics of each?  Why is it important to distinguish between different types of violence?  Why do community samples and police reports conflict regarding men’s and women’s perpetration of family violence?  Are men or women more likely to commit specific types of violence?

 1. Patriarchal Terrorism:

Male systematically abuses females with the goal of gaining and displaying control over her

• Beatings happen more than once and week and escalate in seriousness over time

2. . Common Couple Violence

-Differentiate between types of violence because:

-Develop better theories about causes and consequences

-Public policy: knowing where and how to direct economic resources

-Education and therapy: knowing what kind of information and advice to give

20.3 What are the two major kinds of family violence?  What are the characteristics of each?  Why is it important to distinguish between different types of violence?  Why do community samples and police reports conflict regarding men’s and women’s perpetration of family violence?  Are men or women more likely to commit specific types of violence?

Because only the worst episodes of violence involve the police, and that usually involves patriarchal terrorism (thus, men seem to be the most common perpetrators when police/shelter records are used).  But men and women are just as likely to commit common couple violence (women may actually do it more than men), so community samples (which involve surveys of the general population) show a different pattern.

Jealousy

    21.1 Be able to define the following terms: Jealousy, reactive jealousy, suspicious jealousy

• The unhappy combination of hurt, anger, and fear that occurs when people face the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival

21.2 Be able to define the following terms: Jealousy, reactive jealousy, suspicious jealousy

1 of 2 types of jealousy that ccurs in response to an actual threat to a valued relationship

• can occur with physical acts with another such as flirting, or fantasies of being with another
• most feel if partner is unfaithful

21.2 Be able to define the following terms: Jealousy, reactive jealousy, suspicious jealousy

1 of 2 types of jealousy that occurs when one partner has not misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand.

• Mistrust and snooping
• People vary in this jealousy in absence of any real threat.

22. How have perceptions of jealousy changed over time?

• 1950’s and 1960’s: Jealousy was a “Proof of Love”

• if someone was jealous, it was good because they loved you
• if they fear the loss of you, they really care
• 1970’s and 1980’s: improper state born out of insecurity and personal defects
• 21st century: double edged sword
• it’s not good to be too jealous, but a little bit is okay and establishes the fact that your relationship really means something to you. You would be scared to lose them; but not irrational fears.

23.1  Are there any gender differences in feelings of jealousy?  What are some individual differences that increase the likelihood of feeling jealous?

• Evolutionary perspective suggests that men and women should be sensitive to different kinds of infidelity in their romantic partners
• Men: face the problem of paternity uncertainty so men should be especially vigilant and threatened by sexual infidelity
• if the woman has sexual intercourse with a man, she could become pregnant and then the man has to worry about if the child is his child
• Women: risk that a mate will withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate; thus women are threatened by emotional infidelity
• When they have to chose, most American men say that sex would upset them more, whereas women say that their partner falling in love would be more distressing.

23.2  Are there any gender differences in feelings of jealousy?  What are some individual differences that increase the likelihood of feeling jealous?

Dependence on Relationship

• the more valuable a relationship is to you will make you more dependent on the relationship
• More Alternatives < Jealousy

Feelings of Inadequacy in relationship

• fear of not being best match for partner

Attachment Styles

• Preoccupied > Jealousy
• Dismissing < Jealousy

Personality Traits

• High Neuroticism > Jealousy
• High Agreeableness < Jealousy
• Traditional Gender Roles
• Macho men and feminine women experience more jealousy than androgynous people
• Previous Experience
• Being cheated on before makes you more jealous
• Partner gives you reasons

24. What are the characteristics of individuals who make us feel jealous?

• Not all rivals are created equal
• Rivals who make us look bad are particularly worrisome
• By achieving things we wish we had or by being more attractive to our partners
• Investment model - alternatives (how attractive are my partner’s alternatives?)
• we may overestimate our partners’ alternatives (we think that our partner is the smartest, sexiest, etc., and we think other people must think the same thing) - making us more jealous.

25. Based on evolutionary theory, should men or women feel more jealous in response to sexual infidelity?  Emotional infidelity?  Why?  Why are these findings problematic?

• Men: face the problem of paternity uncertainty so men should be especially vigilant and threatened by sexual infidelity
• if the woman has sexual intercourse with a man, she could become pregnant and then the man has to worry about if the child is his child
• Women: risk that a mate will withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate; thus women are threatened by emotional infidelity
• When they have to chose, most American men say that sex would upset them more, whereas women say that their partner falling in love would be more distressing.

26.  How do individuals with different attachment styles respond to jealousy?

• Response to jealousy may be helpful or harmful
• Attachment styles matter;
• Those who are comfortable w/ closeness tend to express concerns tying to repair relationship
• Those who are dismissing or fearful tend to avoid and pretend they don't care.

27. How do therapists help people handle their jealousy?

• Reduce irrational thinking
• Enhance self esteem
• Improve Communication (fewer misunderstandings)
• Increase satisfaction and fairness in relationships

Infidelity:

28.1 Be able to define the following terms: infidelity, sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, restricted sociosexuality, unrestricted sociosexuality

A violation of norms regulating the level of emotional and physical intimacy partners should have with the people outside of the relationship

28.2 Be able to define the following terms: infidelity, sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, restricted sociosexuality, unrestricted sociosexuality

Defined as having intercourse with someone other than your partner.

Includes:

Intercourse

Oral sex

Fondling

Kissing

Cybersex

Lustful thoughts

28.3 Be able to define the following terms: infidelity, sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, restricted sociosexuality, unrestricted sociosexuality

Lustful thoughts, sharing secrets, internet romance, etc.

Includes:

Flirting

Holding hands

sharing secrets

internet romance

going to dinner,

slow dancing.

28.3 Be able to define the following terms: infidelity, sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, restricted sociosexuality, unrestricted sociosexuality

Inviduals who are less willing to engage in casual sex. They expect greater love, commitment and emotional closeness before having sex with romantic partners. These invidiuals are desirable and trustworthy, less likley to be threat to infidelity.

28.4 Be able to define the following terms: infidelity, sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity, restricted sociosexuality, unrestricted sociosexuality

individuals who are more willing to have casual sex and are more comfortable engaging in sex without love, commitment or closeness. This has a greater threat to infidelity, less desirable and less trustworthy in long relationships.

29. Be able to identify the factors influencing the wide range regarding the percentage of people who report having been unfaithful.

It depends on who is being asked (as dating couples are more likely to cheat than cohabiting couples, who in turn are more likely to cheat than married couples; college students are more likely to cheat than the general population, given their life stage; and college samples tend to oversample women, who tend to be less likely to cheat on average), how infidelity is defined, and the span of time being asked about (people are much less likely to report having cheated in the last year compared to having cheated ever).

30. Be able to list (and explain) 5 reasons why people cheat.

1. Low Commitment:
• Investment Model Approach:
• Dissatisfaction
2. Desire for sex:
• Evolutionary approach
• People cheat to increase their ability to pass on their genes
• States that men and women do not have the same motivation to cheat
3.  Revenge/Anger:
• Retaliation Approach
• People cheat
4. "Cheating Prone" Personalities:
• Individual  difference Approach;
• Emphasize the personal readiness to cheat
• Personality correlates:
• Highly extroverted are more likely to cheat
5. Socio-sexual orientation
• Restricted: sex only with commitment
• Unrestricted: don’t mind not being committed

• Masculine features in women are considered untrustworthy, more likely to cheat

31. What are some common reactions to infidelity?

• “Hi Steven, do I have your attention now? I know all about her, you dirty, sneaky, immoral, unfaithful, poorly endowed slime ball. Everything’s caught on tape” billboard

32. According to evolutionary theory, are men or women more likely to cheat?  When are women most likely to cheat, and what advantage might this have for their potential offspring?

32.  How long do adulterous relationships usually last?

Adulterous relationships usually last about 1 year, they are short lived

34.   Are married or unmarried individuals more likely to forgive their partner’s infidelity?  Approximately what percent of married individuals say that they would file for divorce if their spouse cheated?  Be able to name one characteristic of individuals who are particularly likely to forgive their partner’s infidelity.

Married individuals are at least somewhat more likely to forgive their partners.  About 62% of people say they would divorce their spouse if he or she cheated.  People who don't see themselves as having good alternatives are particularly likely to stay in the relationship.

35. What are the 4 ways to find out about a partner’s infidelity?  Which one is most destructive for relationships?  Which one receives the most forgiveness?  The least forgiveness?

• 1. Unsolicited Partner Discovery
• You tell your partner yourse
• The best way to break the news of infidelity is through unsolicited partner discovery; this will give the most forgiveness
• 2. Solicited Discovery
• Had suspicion, ask partner and they admit it
• 3. Unsolicited Third Party Discovery
• Having someone else tell you your partner is cheating
• Feel like you’re the last to know and people are talking behind your back
• Least forgiving
• 4. Red Handed Discovery
• Shocking, upsetting, and can’t get that out of your head
• Catching partner in the act of cheating
• Most destructive

36. Be able to list several cues that ones partner might be unfaithful.

• Anger, critical, argumentative
• Changes in normal routine and sexual behavior
• Apathetic toward partner
• Increased sexual interest
• Exaggerated display of affection
• Sexual disinterest/boredom
• Expresses relationship dissatisfaction
• Emotional disengagement
• Physical signs of infidelity
• Spending increase time with others
• Acts guilty and anxious

Divorce:

37.  Be able to identify and describe the five steps along the pathway to dissolution that we discussed in class.

• 1. Recognition of problems
• tends to be gradual
• “Intrapsychic”: happens in your own head
• 2. Exposure of problems to partner
• Dyadic process: put cards on the table
• “I am bothered by this in our relationship...”
• Begin pulling out
• “Too busy”, short interactions, etc.
• 3. Negotiation
• Stay or go?
• How will conflict be resolved?
• “I’ll be better... if I leave...”
• 4. Transformation of the relationship
• focus on self-future vs. relationship future
• Symbolic purging (song, place, photos, haircut, etc.)
• Social phase: seek out others (people who have broken up and are doing well/ people to help you with your relationship)
• a lot of the time you are subconsciously seeking out a new partner
• 5. Grave Dressing
• account making: create stories of how and why our relationship ended
• Convince self that still have market value
• Move on...
• people who keep talking about relationship months after breakup have not moved on
• This is what you want to do when you get out of a relationship:
• make peace
• understand why it ended
• tell the story of why it ended
• still trying to understand and work on narrative? You’re not over the relationship yet.

38. What are the 4 ways that a marriage can end?

• Annulment: declares that the marriage never existed because of fraud or other impediment
• Separation: legal seperation is very similar to divorce, but technically the marriage is intact
• Uncontested divorce: declares the marriage over and divides assets and debts
• Death and bereavement: typically results in most assets going to surviving spouse

39. What are some examples of symbolic purging?

-Song

-Place

-Photos

-Haircut

40. Be to describe the basic pattern in divorce rates in the United States from 1950 to today.

• Low: 1950 - 1970
• Hikes: 1971 - 2004

-Dip before recession

-Increase after recession

-People are waiting to get divorced until they can afford it

41. What area of the country has the highest divorce rate?  Why is this counterintuitive?  What might account for the higher rates of divorce in this region?

• South of country has highest divorce rate
• People more likely to marry at young age
• Poorer than those in north, more likely to get married at younger age,  which lead to higher divorce rates
• Less educated
• North-East has lowest divorce rate:
• Older age at marriage
• Make more money, focus more on educatio
• Counterintutive  because people assume that those from the Southern region are more conservative when it comes to divorce.

42.  Are individuals more likely to say that they or their friends will eventually get divorced?  Are there any gender difference in this pattern?

1. Asked if theu will get divorce, and if a friend will get a divorce:
• Men: 15%, Friend: 35%
• Women: 34%, Friend: 40%

*We believe divorce is caused by friends/others

 43.  Be able to list and describe the three major theories describing why divorce occurs.  Which of these theories has received empirical support?

1. Enduring dynamic model

-People bring problems to the marriage (weak from the start)

-Differences in newlywed happiness predicted ultimate levels of happiness

-More negativity initially and less responsiveness, predicted unhappiness

-has empirical support

2. Disillusionment model

-People are initially blind to each other's faults

-Sharp declines in affection, love and perceived responsiveness predicted divorce

3. Emergent distress model

-Couples start out fine but some quickly fall into ruts of negative behavior patterns

-No support/no evidence

44. What personality characteristics appear to be predictive of divorce?

• Neuroticism
• Extroversion
• Lack of impulse control predicts divorce
• Women's personality predicts more than men
• Could be that women are gate keepers, and are ones who instigate change

45. What conflict topics appear to predict divorce for men and women?

• Conflict style
• Disagreements about sex (not predictive for men)
• Disagreements about finances (strongest predictor): less  occurrence, less divorce (Only disagreement predictor for men)

46. How does feeling in control of the divorce influence post-divorce adjustment?

The more you see the spouse as in control, the less adjusted, happy, and at ease with breakup

47. How do spouses tend to view themselves and their partners when going through a divorce? 

• Both men and women see themselves more positively, and each other more negatively
• Partners rated themselves more pos (less responsible, more victim//less villain, more willing to reconcile) than spouse does
• Women seen by both as having more control over break-up

48. If individuals think about their ex-partner more often or view their ex-partner in a positive light, how does it affect their level of satisfaction?

• The more people think about their ex-spouse in positive light, the less happy
• Bad idea when getting divorce with children.

49. What are some of the positive and negative consequences of divorce?

• Negative effects:
• For women, economic problems: spousal support
• Also for men, but not as bad
• Short term locus of control switch: idea that you have control of what happens to you
• People who have control are healthier
• Short-term lowered happiness
• Psychosocial distress
• Poorer self-concepts
• Health problems
• Mortality: slightly higher rate than those who are not. Some or all above can lead to this
• Positive Effects
• Autonomy and personal growth
• Improvements in women's career opportunities and social lives
• Women: grater self confidence and stronger sense of control
• Men: greater interpersonal skills and greater willingness to self-disclose

Same-sex relationships:

50. What are four myths about same-sex relationships?

• 1. Gay relationships are short-lived
• Relationship length longer than 10years
•  8/21% of lesbians
• 18-28% of gay
• Gay and lesbian couples equally likely to last/end
• Dissolution rate similar to heterosexual cohabitating couples
• But higher than married couples
• 2. Revolve around sex?
• Same declines with time for all couples
• Sex frequency form H to L: 1) Gay 2) Heterosexual 3) Lesbians
• 3. Involves tightly-scripted males/female role playing
• Do not assign role for household labor such that one partner is "husband" and other is "wife."
• More egalitarian (household, workload etc) even with kids
• Do specific in tasks, but by preference,  not gender
• 4. They are "different" than hetero sexual relationships:
• Except for gender of the partner, homosexual romances and partnerships are very much like heterosexual relationships

51. How long do same-sex relationships tend to last?  How do they compare to heterosexual cohabitations?  Heterosexual marriages?

• Same sex relationships last about 10 years
• Similar dissolution rates compared to hetero cohabitators
• More likely to end compared to hetero marriages

52.  How do same-sex couples divide household tasks?

• Do not assign role for household labor such that one partner is "husband" and other is "wife."
• More egalitarian (household, workload etc) even with kids
• Do specific in tasks, but by preference,  not gender

53. In what ways do same-sex couples resemble heterosexual couples?  Be able to list several examples.

• Attachment
• Preference for expressive partner
• Falling in love
• Commitment

54. What are two ways that same-sex couples differ from heterosexual relationships?  Why do same-sex couples differ in these ways?

They differ in terms of communication (lesbians are more communicative) and self-reported desire for sexual contact (gay male couples report higher levels) – these differences largely reflect underlying gender differences, which are simply being exaggerated in same-sex couples, as women tend to be more communicative generally, and men tend to have higher sex drives

55. What are 4 factors that predict relationship quality in same-sex couples?

1. What partner brings (personalities)
2. How each view the relationship (trust)
3. How each behaves towards each other (communication)
4. Perceived support

56. What is the most pronounced difference between same-sex and heterosexual relationships?

Perceived support – heterosexual couples report much higher levels of perceived support (particularly from their families and the community at large) compared to same-sex couples

57. In what ways are children affected when their parents are involved in a same-sex relationship?  What differences have been observed among children of lesbian parents, in particular?  In what ways do children of same-sex parents resemble children with heterosexual parents?

Effects on kids

• No difference
• Emotional, sexual, gender role behaviors, behavioral adjustment, gender ID, and cognitive functionalism
• Mental Health
• Some students report negative impact on children
• But, NOT when you control for effect of being teased/bullied by communities
• Lesbian parents
• Greater child social competence
• Less spanking
• Kids are more tolerable of others
• Kids display more expressive play (express feeling more, imaginary, act out scenarios)
• Kids not more/less likely to by gay or lesbian
• GL more likely to adopt
• Kids are more open to idea of homosexual, more likely to support
• No evidence of increased abuse of kids