Term
|
Definition
Rise and shine! Rise and shine! Lawrence, honey, come on out here and let me have a look at you. Lawrence, honey, you look lovely. |
|
|
Term
I have a pimple on the back of my neck. |
|
Definition
Don't say the word 'pimple,' honey, it's common. Now your brother Tom is bringing home a girl from the warehouse for you to meet, and I want you to make a good impression, honey. |
|
|
Term
It upsets my stomach to meet people, mama. |
|
Definition
Oh, Lawrence honey, you're so sensitive it makes me want to hit you. |
|
|
Term
I'm happy just by myself, playing with my collection of glass cocktail stirrers. |
|
Definition
Lawrence, you are a caution. Only retarded people and alcoholics are interested in glass cocktail stirrers. |
|
|
Term
And this one is called Blue because it's blue. |
|
Definition
All my children have such imagination, why was I so blessed? Oh, Lawrence honey, how are you going to get on in the world if you just stay home all day, year after year, playing with your collection of glass cocktail stirrers? |
|
|
Term
I like it here in this room. |
|
Definition
I know you do, Lawrence honey, that's part of your charm. Some days. But, honey, what about making a living? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
There is nothing wrong with your leg, Lawrence honey, all the doctors have told you that. This limping thing is an affectation. |
|
|
Term
I only know how I feel, mama. |
|
Definition
Oh if only I had connections in the Mafia, I'd have someone come and break both your legs. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Your asthma, your leg, your eczema. You're just a mess, Lawrence! |
|
|
Term
I have scabs from the itching, mama. |
|
Definition
That's lovely, Lawrence. You must tell us more over dinner. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
That was a joke, Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Now, Lawrence, I don't want you talking about your ailments to the feminine caller your brother Tom is bringing home from the warehouse, honey. No nice-bred young lady likes to hear a young man discussing his eczema, Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
What else can I talk about, mama? |
|
Definition
Talk about the weather. Or Red China. |
|
|
Term
Or my collection of glass cocktail stirrers? |
|
Definition
I suppose so, honey, if the conversation's comes to some godawful standstill. Otherwise, I'd shut up about it. Conservation is an art, Lawrence. Back at Blue Mountain, which I had seventeen gentlemen callers, I was able to converse with charm and vivacity for six hours without stop and never once mention eczema or bone cancer or vivisection. Try to emulate me, Lawrence, honey. Charm and vivacity. And charm. And vivacity. And charm. |
|
|
Term
Well, I'll try, but I doubt it. |
|
Definition
Me too, honey. But we'll go through the motions anyways, won't we? |
|
|
Term
I don't know if I want to meet some girl who works in a warehouse, mama. |
|
Definition
Your brother Tom says she's a lovely girl with a nice personality. And where else does he meet girls except the few who work at the warehouse? |
|
|
Term
It's unfeminine for a girl to work at a warehouse. |
|
Definition
Now Lawrence--if you can't go out the door without getting an upset stomach or an attack of vertigo, then we have got to find some nice girl who's willing to support you. Otherwise, how am I ever going to get you out of this house and off my hands? |
|
|
Term
Why do you want to be rid of me, mama? |
|
Definition
I suppose it's unmotherly of me, dear, but you really get on my nerves. Limping around the apartment, pretending to have asthma. If only some nice girl would marry you and I knew you were taken care of, then I'd feel free to start to live again. I'd join Parents Without Partners, I'd go to dinner dances, I'd have a life again. Rather than just watch you mope about this stupid argument. I'm not bitter, dear, it's just that I hate my life. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Do you, dear? Oh, you're cute. Oh, listen, I think I hear them. |
|
|
Term
I'll be in the other room. |
|
Definition
I want you to let them in, Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Then don't limp, damn it. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Just a minute, Tom, honey. Now, Lawrence, you march over to that door or I'm going to break all your swizzle sticks. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Lawrence, you are a grown boy. Now you answer that door like any normal person. |
|
|
Term
Mother, I'm going to break the door down in a minute. |
|
Definition
Just be patient, Tom. Now you're causing a scene, Lawrence. I want you to answer that door. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'll itch it for you in a second, Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
Alright, I'm breaking it down. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
I think I hear someone calling me in the other room. |
|
Definition
Now see what you've done. He's probably going to refuse to come to the table due to your insensitivity. Oh, was any woman as cursed as I? With one son who's too sensitive and another who's this big lox. I'm sorry, how rude of me. I'm Amanda Wingvalley. You must be Virginia Bennett from the warehouse. Tom has spoken so much about I feel you're almost one of the family, preferably a daughter-in-law. Welcome, Virginia. |
|
|
Term
BUT JUST DON'T CALL ME "LATE FOR DINNER"! |
|
Definition
OH, how amusing. Why is she shouting? Is she deaf? |
|
|
Term
I am taking a course in public speaking, and so far we've covered organizing your thoughts and speaking good and loud so the people in the back of the room can hear you. |
|
Definition
Public speaking. How impressive. You must be interested in improving yourself. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
YOU MUST BE INTERESTED IN IMPROVING YOURSELF. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Oh, Lord, No. dear. DINNER IS READY. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
You must be very popular at the warehouse, Ginny. |
|
|
Term
No popsicle for me, ma'am, although I will take you up on some gin. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Well, fine. I think I'd like to get drunk too. Tom, why don't you go and make Southern ladies some nice summer gin and tonics? And see if sister would like a lemonade. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'm sorry, did I say sister? I meant brother. |
|
|
Term
Hey, four eyes, you wanna lemonade? |
|
Definition
Tom's so amusing. He calls Lawrence "four eyes" even though he doesn't wear glasses. |
|
|
Term
And does Lawrence wear glasses? |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
Because that would, you see, explain it. |
|
Definition
Ah. I don't know. I'll have to ask Lawrence someday. Speaking of LAwrence, let me go check on the supper and see if I can convince him to come out here and make conversation with you. |
|
|
Term
No, thank you, ma'am, I'll just have the gin. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Never mind, I'll be back. Or with luck I won't. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Now you get out of that bed this minute, Lawrence Wingvalley, or I'm going to give that overbearing girl your /entire/ collection of glass gobbledygook--is that clear? I believe Lawrence would like to visit with you, Ginny. |
|
|
Term
Tom brought me my drink already, thank you, Mrs. Wingvalley. |
|
Definition
You know, dear, a hearing aid isn't really all that expensive, you might look into that. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Thank you, dear. I will. Come, Tom, come to the kitchen and help me prepare the supper. And we'll let the two young people converse. Remember, Lawrence. Charm and vivacity. |
|
|
Term
I don't want to get to the movies too late. |
|
Definition
Oh shut up about the movies. |
|
|
Term
Mama, she's making a mess with my collection. |
|
Definition
Oh shut up about your collection, honey, you're probably driving the door girl bananas. |
|
|
Term
THE BRAVES PLAYED A HELLUVA GAME, DON'TCHA THINK? |
|
Definition
Oh God I feel sorry for their children. Is this the /only/ girl who works at the warehouse, Tom? |
|
|
Term
YOUR SON LAWRENCE AND I ARE GETTING ON JUST FINE, AREN'T WE, LAWRENCE? |
|
Definition
Please, no need to shout, I'm not deaf, even if you are. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'm glad you like Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE LAWRENCE. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
WHY DON'T YOU MARRY LAWRENCE. |
|
|
Term
So that's why Shakespeare asked me here. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
Mrs. Wingvalley, if I had a young brother as nice and as special as Lawrence is, I'd invite girls from the warehouse home to meet him too. |
|
Definition
I'm sure I don't know what you mean. |
|
|
Term
And you're probably hoping I'll say that I'll call again. |
|
Definition
Really, we haven't even had supper yet. Tom, shouldn't you be checkin' on the roast pigs feet? |
|
|
Term
I told you I wanted to stay in my room. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
One at the warehouse, and one at night. |
|
Definition
At night? You have a second job? That /is/ ambitious. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
|
|
Term
You have twenty more of them here. |
|
Definition
Well, I'm so sorry you have to be going. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Hadn't you better be going? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
You must come over some evening. Preferably when we're out. |
|
|
Term
Its name was Thermometer, you nitwit! |
|
Definition
Let it go, Lawrence. There'll be other swizzle sticks. Good bye, Virginia. |
|
|
Term
Any chance I might be able to take a sandwich with me? |
|
Definition
Certainly you can shake hands with me, if that will make you happy. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Really, dear? What part of Hungary are you from? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
That's right. You have two time clocks. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Tom, come in here please. Lawrence, I don't believe I would play the victrola right now. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
The feminine caller made a hasty departure. |
|
|
Term
We should have you institutionalized. |
|
Definition
That's the first helpful thing you've said all evening, but first things first. You played a little joke on us, Tom. |
|
|
Term
What are you talking about? |
|
Definition
You didn't mention that your friend is already spoken for. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Yes, well. It seems odd that you know so little about a person you see everyday at the warehouse. |
|
|
Term
The warehouse is where I work, not where I know things about people. |
|
Definition
The disgrace. The expense of the pigs feet, a new tie for Lawrence. |
|
|
Term
No one in their right mind would marry four eyes here. |
|
Definition
You have no Christian charity, or filial devotion, or fraternal affection. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
You go to the movies in excess, Tom. It isn't healthy. |
|
|
Term
She broke Thermometer and she put Q-tip in her ear. |
|
Definition
Listen to your brother, Tom. He's pathetic. How are we going to support ourselves once you go? And I know you want to leave. I've seen the brochure for the merchant marines in your underwear drawer. And the application to the air force. And your letter of inquiry to the Ballet Trockadero. So I'm not unaware of what you're thinking. But don't leave us until you fulfill your duties here, Tom. Help brother find a wife, or a job, or a doctor. Or consider euthanasia. But don't leave me here all alone, saddled with him. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Of course, dear. I'm just making jokes. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'll try, dear. Now why don't you hold your breath in case you get a case of terminal hiccups? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
|
|
Term
|
Definition
That's right, go to the movies! Don't think about us, a mother alone, an unmarried brother who think he's crippled and has no job. Oh, stop holding your breath, Lawrence, mama was kidding. Don't let anything interfere with your selfish pleasure. |
|
|
Term
And the more you shout about my selfishness and my taste in movies the quicker I'll go, and I won't just go to the movies! |
|
Definition
Go then! Go to the moon--you selfish dreamer! Oh, Lawrence, honey, what's to become of us? |
|
|
Term
Tom forgot his newspaper, mama. |
|
Definition
He forgot a lot more than that, Lawrence honey. He forgot his mama and brother. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Tom, I hear you out on the porch talking. Who are you talking to? |
|
|
Term
I'm just on my way to the movies. |
|
Definition
Well, try not to be too late, you have to work early at the warehouse tomorrow. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Yes, I guess it is, Lawrence. Oh, but both my children are weird. What have I done, O Lord, to deserve them? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Don't make jokes, Lawrence. Your asthma. Your eczema. My life. |
|
|
Term
We have each other for company and amusement. |
|
Definition
That's right. It's always darkest before dawn. Or right before a typhoon sweeps up and kills everybody. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
It's just great, Lawrence. Thank you. |
|
|
Term
I call this one Daffodil, because it's yellow, and daffodils are yellow. |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
And I call this one Ocean, because it's blue, and |
|
Definition
I THOUGHT YOU CALLED THE BLUE ONE BLUE, YOU IDIOT CHILD! DO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS PATHETIC PRATTLING ThE REST OF MY LIFE??? CAN'T YOU AT LEAST BE CONSISTENT??? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Well, try, can't you? I'm sorry, Lawrence. I'm a little short-tempered today. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Do you have any other swizzle sticks with names, Lawrence? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
Well, that's lovely, Lawrence, thank you. |
|
|
Term
I guess I can be a little short-tempered too. |
|
Definition
Yes, well, whatever. I think we won't kill each other this evening, alright. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
I'll just distract myself from my rage and despair in the newspaper, shall I? Oh, Lawrence honey, look--it's the Evening Star. Let's make a wish on it, honey, shall we? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
What did you wish for, darlin'? |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
You're so predictable, Lawrence. It's part of your charm, I guess. |
|
|
Term
What did you wish for, mama? |
|
Definition
The same thing, honey. Maybe just a little happiness, too...but mostly just some more swizzle sticks. |
|
|