According to Bowen:

• are driven by 2 counterbalancing forces
• individuality and togetherness
• we need companionship and independence
• frustrating life - tendency for those needs to polarize us
• when 1 partner presses for connection, the other may feel crowded and pull away.
• overtime the pursuit of one partner  and the withdrawal of the other  drives the pair  through closeness/distance cycles

• late 40s studied families with schizophrenia
• he was struck by the emotional sensitivity  between pts and mothers - symbiosis
• he found that a volatile bond between mother and emotionally troubled child inevitably involved the whole family
• the heart of problem - anxious attachment - a pathological form of closeness driven by anxiety
• in troubled families, people were emotional prisoners  of the way others behaved (disturbed).
• concluded the family was a unit of disorder
• 1 of the first to invent family therapy
• he was convinced that there was no discontinuity  between normal and disturbed families
• but that all families vary along a continuum from emotional fusion to differentiation

• a way of thinking than a set of interventions
• we have less autonomy in our personal lives than we like to think
• we are very reactive to each other
• theory describes how the family as a multigenerational network of relationships shapes the interplay of individuality and togetherness using 6 interlocking concepts to follow

• cornerstone of theory is an intrapsychic and interpersonal concept
• another name ego strength
• is the capacity  to think and reflect
• to not respond automatically to emotional pressures
• it is the ability to be flexible and act wisely, even in the face of anxiety
• Differentiated people:
• are able to balance thinking and feeling
• they are capable of strong emotion and spontaneity
• but also possessing the self-restraint that comes with the ability to resist the emotionality pull
• they are able to take stand on issues b/c they are able to think things thru
• they are able to decide what they believe and acton those beliefs
• Undifferentiated folks:
• are easily moved by emotionality
• lives are ruled by reactivity to those around them
• they tend to react impulsively with submissiveness and defiance toward others
• they find it difficult to maintain their own autonomy
• ex. ask what they think-they say what they feel,
• ask what they believe-they tell you what they heard no opinion of their own
• they agree with whatever you say - and argue with qthing

• how people reconcile the 2 polarities of human nature depends on to what extent they learn to manage emotionality p76.

• anxiety drives triangles
• as anxiety increase, people experience a greater need/desire emotional closeness
• or to avoid pressure, a greater need for distance
• the more people are driven by anxiety, the less tolerant they are of each other
• the more they are polarized by differences
• when 2 people have unresolved problems and its hard to speak to each other
• eventually 1 or both partners will turn to someone else for sympathy
• or the conflict will draw a third person trying to help
• if the third person pushes the couple to work out their differences, the triangle is not fixed
• but if the third person stay involved, the triangle becomes a part of the relationship
• in a triangle, the pair's  interaction is tied to the third person's behavior
• each person is driven by reactive behavior
• none can take a position w/out feeling  the need to change the other 2
• each is entangled in the relationship between the other 2
• what makes them problematic - is they have a tendency to become fixed
• Triangulation lets off steam but freezes conflict in place

• Bowen used the term undifferentiated family ego mass to describe the excess of emotional reactivity or fusion in families
• lack of differentiation in families  produces emotional reactive children
• which may manifest in emotional overinvolvement or emotional cutoff from parents which may lead to new relationships
• new fusion is unstable b/c:
• emotional distance, physical/emotional dysfunction, overt conflict, projection of problems unto people

• Bowen believes that children develop personality characteristics based on their position in the family
• each child becomes highly sensitive to the amt of attention he/she receives
• sibling conflict cause perpetual rivalry - one side of triangle
• Sulloway - personality  is a collection of strategies that siblings  use to compete with each other to secure their place in the family

• describes how some people manage anxiety in relationships
• flight from unresolved emotional attachment
• some people seek distance by moving away
•  other emotionally by avoiding intimacy
• or joining with a third party

• Bowen believes that sexism, class, ethnic prejudice are toxic social emotional processes
• he believes that families with higher levels of differentiation are better able to resist these destructive social influences
• MCGoldick and Carter believe that ignoring gender inequalities helps perpetuate some of the forces that keep men and women trapped in inflexible roles
• women live with constraining social conditions and men profit from them
• McGoldick believes clr may impose their own biases on families whose perspectives aren't dysfunctional but legitimately different

• optimal families-members are differentiated, anxiety is low, partners are in good emotional contact with each other/families -when children move out they continue to react with adolescent sensitivities to our parents or anyone who pushes our buttons
• normal families- reduce contact with parents to avoid dealing with them and siblings. people from undifferentiated families will continue to be undifferentiated in their new relationships or families: ex. person who withdraws with anxious will continue to do so in marriage.
• Bowen believes differentiation is determine by family of origin
• McGoldick and Carter describe the family life cycle:
• 1. leaving home-young adults separate from their parents; a time to develop autonomus self
• 2. joining family thru marriage -commitment of new couple; formation of intimate partnership requires partners to shift emotional attachment from parents to each other
• 3. families with young children-childrearing, realign relationships with extended family. young children needs are being met
• 4. adolescence-childre no longer want to be like mom or dad. they want to be themselves and hang out with their friends, they struggle to become autonomous being and open the family boundaries or their interpersonal boundary
• 5. launching of children and moving on-parent must allow adult children to move on with their lives and begin to mend their personal relationship and/or adjustment
• 6. families in later life-dealing with retirement and life after it

• the ability to handle stress is a function of differentiation.the more differentiated, the more flexible, resilient, and sustaining relationships. a person's differentiation level is determined his level of autonomy achieved from parent.
• symptoms of anxiety develops when stress exceeds a person's ability or the systems' ability to handle it
• the beginning of the problems  is emotional fusion passed down thru the generations; the greater the fusion the more vulnerable family members will be emotionally to each other; fusion will manifest in dependency or isolation
• children breakaway by emotional cutoff; people choose mates who are undifferentiated like them; recognition will lead to marital conflict, dysfunction as mother enmeshed with child, father withdraws

• Bowen clrs do not solve people's problems or change them---they allow therapy to be a place where family learn about themselves and relationships so that they can assume responsibility for their own problems
• Bowen clrs are actively engaged with clts, helps family get pass the blaming game and explore the family members own role in the presenting problem/family problems
• Bowen clrs trace family problem patterns by observing the process and structure' process is the emotional reactivity among the members and structure is the interlocking network of triangles
• Bowen clr begin with modification to parental relationship-clr remain emotional neutral-they begin a process called detriangulation
• methods: 1. increase parent's ability  to manage  their own anxiety-thus becoming better able to handle their children's behavior
• method: 2. fortifying the couple's emotional functioning  by increasing their ability to operate with less anxiety in family of origin

• the guiding principle in Bowenian therapy is increasing the ability of couples/individuals to think and feel and learn to resolve relationship problems. to lower anxiety and increase self-focus - the ability to see one's own role in interpersonal processes-primary method for change. understanding is a necessary tool as well
• clr ask questions to foster self-reflection one at a time rather than encourage family dialogues
• clr take a position of neutrality an emotionallly objective to avoid triangulation-they avoid taking sides and encourage each member toward accepting more responsibility
• Bowen differs from other system clrs. He believes that change can be initiated by individuals and couples who are capable of affecting the other members of the family
• part of differentiating process is connecting to the extended family by developing a personal relationship with others

• Bowen clr primary focus is on obtaining family hx and presenting problem hx.
• genograms are used showing the family and their relationship to each other; to shows emotional cutoff, triangles, conflicts as well

• Bowenian clrs believe  understanding how the family systems operate is more important  than devising techniques to change them.
• one essential technique is process questions - are designed to explore what going on inside people and between them-are designed to start people thinking about how other upset them but their parts in the interpersonal problems
• relationship experiments- are designed for clts to try something different from their usual emotionally driven responses-primary purpose is to help clts develop the ability to resist being driven by their emotions.
• Bowenian couple therapy: clr remain disentangled, speaks to individual partner one at a time; frame questions to stimulate thinking; objective to explore each opinions without taking sides,
• displacement stories - use to help family members achieve sufficient distance to see their own roles in the family system-story is about someone else with similar problem.
• clr explore pursuer-distancer dynamic and manages countertransference- by being a coach, staying neutral,
• Bowenian individual therapy - similar to the first.