Enjoy being part of a team and want to do work independently.

ex. Ross and Rachel

What is novelty vs. predictability?

wanting routine and familiarity.

ex. pheobe name change on friends. (Something new)

wanting open communication and needing a degree of privacy

ex. rachel on date

1. recongnize what the other pweson is feeling

2. acknowledgment of what another feels, thinks, or says

3. Endorsement- accepting another's feelings or thoughts

evaluative = defensive

descriptive = desribes behaviors without passive judgment

certainty=proclaims one correct position

provisionalism=communicates copenness to other points of view

strategy= kind of like a set up or trap ex. "would you do something for me if i told you it really mattered?"

spontaneity=feels open, honest, and unpremeditated

control=manipulate others; try to impose their view point on others

problem orientation=finding a solution that all parties find acceptable

neutality=a lack of regard and caring for others

empathy=confirms the worth of others and our concern for them

superiority= "i'm better"

equality=more relaxed and comfortable because people treat us as equals

1.Actively use communication to build climates.

2.Accept and confirm others.

3.Affirm and assert yourself.

4.Respect diversity in relationships.

5.Respond constructively to criticism.

*Willingness to invest(time, effort, thought, feeling)

*Emotional closeness(through dialogue and doing)

*Acceptance

*Trust

*support

relational dialectics-you need your friend. need to be open about needs.

diverse communication style- i speak different because we are from different cultures. (ex. I say to my asian friend lets celebrate me getting into law school and she thinks im arrogant)

sexual attraction-becoming sexually attracted to your friend

competing demands- ex. new boyfriend, school or new job

personal changes-your life changes and so do your friendships

geographic distance-hard to stay intouch because of long distance

1.engage in dual perspective-understand friends perspective.

2.communicate honestly

3. grow from differences

4.dont sweat the small stuff

*people were accurate 63% of the time.

*most errors occurred when classifying it as a same-sex female relationship when it was a cross-sex(vice versa)

male: profanity, "cool man" "psyched to party"

female:"cutie, "y"know?

cross-sex: "babe" "look sweetie"

passion: intense positive feelings. fireing desire to be with that person.

commitment:intention to be inthe relationship. long term vision of where relationship is going.

imtimacy: closeness, tenderness, feelings of connection

individuality:where you are before you meet a person

invitational communication:indicate to other person that you are interested.

explorational communication:talk to people who know the person

intensifying communication: explore more personal thoughts and feelings.

revising communication: start to recognize problems in the relationship

intimate bonding: long term relationship, declare publicity

relational culture: things we were foinh in relationship may not be working-try to make it better for us.

placemaking-setting the environment-ours not his or hers. (ex. not our friend, my friend)

intrapsychic process: personal doubts, think to yourself that it isnt working out.

dyadic process: we act different if partner does something annoying. (ex.snappy, agressive)

social support: when you start to go to friends and 3rd parties

grave-dressing process: gather pictures and stuff and put it away

resurrection process: you are ready to move on

*Engage in dual perspective

*practice safe sex

*manage conflict constructively

*adapt communication to maintain long-distance relationships

vital marriage: very close emotionally and wants to be together all the time.

total marriage:each partner has separate interests but look toward being with eachother.

passive-congenial marriage:partners are polite and interact, but deal with superficial matters.

devitalized marriage:dont dislike each other but bored with eacother

conflict-habituated marriage: partners are incompatible (tied together b/c of children)

Traditional: interdependent and emotionally expressive

Independent: less conventional views of marriage and family life. engage in conflict more often.

Separate: give each other plenty of room. Share less emotionally and try to avoid conflict.

Words: how partners talk and behave towards each other.

thoughts: how partners think about each other and marriage- these shape our emotions and words

emotions: affected by words and thoughts

criticism: dont be rude

defensiveness:start to say what i didnt do

contempt: this person is coming from a manipulative place

stonewalling:passive;dismissive

If you have moved beyond contempt, then there's barely any hope for relationship.

1. Establishing a family: young couples without children

2. Enlarging a family: families with infants and/or preschoolers.

3.Developing family: families with children in elementary or high school.

4. Encouraging independence: families with adolescents who are developing their own interests; activities and social circles.

5.Launching children: families who are launching their children into the world.

6. Postlaunching of children: couples after all children have left home and the couple is once again the primary unit.

7. Retirement: couples when full time work is no longer a part of life.

Social exchange theory:  As long as your rewards outweigh your costs, the net outcome of the relationship is positive, so you are satisfied. If costs exceed rewards we are dissatisfied and may move on.

Equity theory:fairness based on the perception that both people invest equally in a relationship and benefit similarly from their investments

1. Maintain equity in family relationships

2. make daily choices that enhance intimacy

3. show respect and consideration

4. dont sweat the small stuff

When people in "I-you" or "I-thou" relationships have different views, interests, or goals and feel a need to resolve those differences (starts with siblings)

-expressed disagreement

-interdependence

-the felt need for resolution

*Conflict is natural in relationships

*Conflict may be expressed overtly (out in open) or covertly (hidden)

*Social groups share the meaning of conflict behaviors

*Conflict can be managed well or poorly.

*Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships.

Lose-Lose: avoidence

Win-lose: compromising, accomadation, competition

win-win: collaboration

exit response: avoid or leave the space or relationship. (ex. dishes arent do so im moving)

neglect response: dening or minimizing problem

loyalty response: stay in relationship ever if there is problem

voice response: address it directly

Early Stages:

-communication that fails to confirm individuals.

-cross-complaining

-negative climate and mind reading

Middle Stages:

-kitchen-sinking: turns argument into many things

-frequent interruptions

Later stages:

-counterproposals(fighting over last word)

-excessive miscommunication

early stages:

-communicators confirm each other by recognizing and acknowledging each others concerns and feelings.

Middle stages:

-stay focused on main issues

-bracketing (boarders of conversation)

-dont interrupt except for clarification

-recognize and acknowledge each others point of view.

Later stage:

-contracting (common ground at end)

-attend to the relationship level of meaning.

-communicate supporively

-listen mindfully

-own your feelings, thoughts and issues

-check perceptions

-look for points of agreement

-look for ways to perseve the others face

-imagine how you will feel in the future.

-focus on the overall communication system.

-time conflict purposefully.

-aim for win-win conflict.

-honor yourself, partner and the relationship.

-show grace when appropriate

*students will be able to use "text-speak" in exams in New Zealand.

- associated with low intelligence. not academics.

CMC:computer mediated communication