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| A model which conceptualizes romantic relationships in terms of five stages: attraction (A), building (B), continuation (C), deterioration (D), and ending or termination (E). Built from the work of numerous investigators of the development of romantic relationships. |
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| A grade 12 teacher. Did a TED talk about a new kind of metaphor for sex which may be more positive and inclusive than baseball metaphors: pizza. |
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| From University of Guelph. Conducted a qualitative analysis of female sex blog sites. Gives examples of how women describe their sexual fantasies and behaviours in lustful detail. In general, women stated that they are much more revealing about their sex lives on the web than in real life. With colleagues, did a study on long-term couples. Found that for couples with low sexual communal strength, desire declined over time. For couples with high sexual communal strength, desire maintained over time, there were more enjoyable sexual experiences, partners were more responsive to each other's needs, and were more satisfied in relationships over time. |
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| The first stage of a romantic relationship in the ABCDE model. Occurs when two people become aware of and find one another appealing or enticing. We may find ourselves attracted to an enchanting person across a crowded room, in a nearby office, or in a new class. |
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| Difficult for the person terminating the relationship, and for the one being let go. Anxious people experience more difficulty. Emotionally secure people are more likely to seek social support from friends and families. Insecure individuals are more likely to turn to alcohol and drugs. |
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| The second stage of a romantic relationship in the ABCDE model. A number of factors determine whether we will develop a relationship or not, such as level of attraction, similarity of attitudes and interests, and a generally positive evaluation of the partner. |
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| Studies show that men are more reluctant than women to make relationship commitments. Cohabitation, and having free access to sex may be a disincentive to commit. In a healthy relationship, a strong sense of togetherness does not eradicate individuality. Boredom can deteriorate in a relationship, but may not end it, as people consider it a trade-off for true love and companionship. Factors leading to the ending of a relationship include: evidence of negative evaluation, lack of fairness in the relationship, jealousy, and general dissatisfaction. |
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| Romantic partners are responsive to each other's needs, without expecting reciprocation. Those high in communal strength are motivated to meet their partner's needs and trust their partners will meet theirs. |
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| Communication technologies |
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| While most people find it acceptable to communicate with a potential date online or via texting, the preferred way of asking someone out is in person or over the phone. Can be good for getting to know someone in advance of a date. New communication strategies are viewed as part of dating scripts. Traditional dating norms are still in effect. |
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| The third stage of a romantic relationship in the ABCDE model. Occurs once a basic level of attachment and intimacy has been established. Established patterns of interaction remain relatively stable. While patterns often continue, they don't remain entirely static. |
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| Co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. Conducted a study of 60 unmarried heterosexual men, and found that the commonness of cohabitation was one reason they were reluctant to make commitments. Notes that "with cohabitation, he gets a quasi-wife without having to commit". |
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| The fourth stage of a romantic relationship in the ABCDE model. Occurs when the relationship becomes less rewarding than it was. A couple can respond actively (doing something that may enhance the relationship) or passively (waiting for something to happen). |
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| From University of New Brunswick. A psychology professor who has been conducting research on the sexual communication of Canadians for three decades. In collaboration with Sheila MacNeil. Found that individuals who disclose more about their sexual likes and dislikes report higher sexual satisfaction. |
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| The fifth stage of a romantic relationship in the ABCDE model. According to the social-exchange theory, occurs when partners find little satisfaction in the affiliation, when barriers to leaving the relationship are low, and especially when alternative partners are available. Associated with distress, and decrease in life satisfaction. |
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| In a University of Guelph study, 75% of participants reported that they or their partners had former romantic or sexual partners as Facebook friends, and 92% said their partners had Facebook friends they didn't know. |
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| Feelings of closeness and connectedness, marked by sharing of one's most innermost thoughts and feelings. Partners in the throes of romantic love usually want to disclose everything and know everything about one another. A key ingredient in a passionate relationship. Tends to grow as romantic relationships develop. Sexual and emotional intimacy are not always connected. Honesty is a key component of intimacy, but not over-sharing. Fosters well-being, and its absence can be psychologically and physically harmful. |
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| Present in all cultures, but more common in cultures with stronger machismo traditions, where men view women's infidelities as threats to their honour. Found in all genders and sexual orientations. Aroused when we think our relationship is threatened by rivals. Can lead to: loss of affection, feelings of insecurity and rejection, anxiety, loss of self-esteem, mistrust of partners and potential rivals, depression, and abuse, suicide, or murder. Milder forms are not necessarily destructive. Prior experiences and personality variables impact levels of jealousy. Men seem to be more upset by sexual infidelity; jealousy is shaped by natural selection as a way of assuring that female partners' offspring are their own. Women are more upset by emotional infidelity; mates who stray may not continue to provide resoures to facilitate child-rearing. This gender difference disappears when partners are unfaithful with members of the same sex. Jealousy increased when individuals attributed their partner's infidelity to internal causes, such as clear personal choice. When infidelity is attributed to external causes (alcohol, social pressures), less jealousy is reported. Can lead to ending of a relationship, and can be a predictor for stalking. |
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| Jocelyn Wentland, Amy Muise, and Serge Desmarais |
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| From University of Ottawa and University of Guelph. Surveyed 296 undergraduate university students to investigate the extent to which young people endorse the use of newer communication technologies as part of the contemporary dating script. Most people found it acceptable to communicate with a potential date online or via texting, but the preferred way to ask someone out was over the phone or in person. Interested in whether the new communication technologies have affected traditional gender roles related to dating. Found that in many respects, traditional gender roles were still in place. |
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| From University of Kentucky. Doing work on sexuality and sexual health in long-term relationships. |
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| A skill in sexual communication. Includes active listening, paraphrasing, using reinforcements, and valuing your partner even when the two of you disagree. |
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| Melanie Kristel Oates and Alia Offman |
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| From Carleton University. Researchers who found that individuals with higher sexual self-esteem were better able to communicate their sexual desires to their partners. Sexual self-esteem was a stronger predictor for sexual communication than general self-esteem. |
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The view that your need for your partner promotes commitment, which promotes acts that enhance the relationship, and that these acts build trust, increasing your partner's commitment to the relationship. Includes five stages:
1. Feeling that you need your partner promotes your commitment to and dependence on the relationship
2. Commitment to the relationship encourages you to do things that are good for the relationship
3. Partner sees your pro-relationship acts
4. Partner's perception of pro-relationship acts enhances their trust in you and in the relationship
5. Partner's feelings of trust increase their willingness to depend on the relationship. |
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| Increasingly becoming an important way of finding partners. From 1990 to 2000, 5 - 10% of Americans met their partners online, and from 2000 to 2010, 20 - 25% met online! Has revolutionized the way people seek partners. Research has examined the pros and cons. Pros include: provides access to other people who one might be unlikely to meet in everyday life, facilitates communication between potential partners before face-to-face meeting, makes some attempt to match potential partners according to demographic variables and personality traits, and offers shy people a safer way to seek partners. Cons include: tends to reduce people to photographs and statistics, people may eliminate potential partners who might have worked well if they had met in person, online communication may lead to revealing too much too soon, there is no compelling evidence that computer matches provide benefits leading to satisfaction, and can remove the advantage of "playing it cool". |
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A type of small talk; the greeting. Usually preceded by nonverbal greetings. It is more common now for women to initiate contact with men. Opening lines that are direct, and signal interest are the most effective in launching relationships. Some types include:
1. Verbal salutes: "Good morning!"
2. Personal inquiries: "How are you doing?"
3. Compliments: "I like your outfit."
4. References to mutual surroundings: "What do you think of that painting?", or "This is a nice apartment isn't it?"
4. References to people or events outside of immediate settings: "How do you like this weather we've been having?"
5. Referenes to the person's behaviour: "I couldn't help noticing you were sitting alone.", or "I see you out on this track every Saturday morning"
6. References to yourself: "Hi, my name is [your name]." |
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| Sarah Vannier and Lucia O'Sullivan |
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| From University of New Brunswick. Asked 63 people in heterosexual relationships, aged 18 to 24, to keep diaries for three weeks, recording which partner initiated sex in each instance, whether initiation was indirect or direct, and whether it was verbal or nonverbal. Found that 49% of instances of sexual activity were initated by male partners, 32% by female partners, and 19% equally by both. 65% of instances involved verbal initiation, with indirect being more common than direct, and 91% of instances involved some form of nonverbal initiation, with indirect nonverbal strategies more common than direct. |
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| The revelation of personal, perhaps intimate, information. Central to building an intimate relationship. You may look uninterested or like you are trying to keep things under wraps if you refuse to go beyond "name, rank, and serial number". A careful balance of enough but not too much information. Rapid self-disclosure seems to be the norm in cyberspace, where there is relative anonymity and people can control what they want to reveal. Frank sexual self-disclosure is seen on many blog sites. Women are only slightly more revealing about themselves than men. In a New Brunswick study, students disclosed more to their dating partners about non-sexual than sexual issues, and more about sexual likes and dislikes. A key factor in the amount of disclosure was whether their partner also disclosed. Individuals who communicate more about their sexual likes and dislikes report higher sexual satisfaction. For women, disclosing about non-sexual issues was more associated with sexual satisfaction than disclosing sexual issues. For men, there is a direct relationship between sexual disclosure and sexual satisfaction. Culture influences sexual self-disclosure. |
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| The sending of sexually explicit messages from one mobile phone to another. Has garnered much media attention. No Canadian research on its prevalence has been conducted. May break Canadian child pornography laws. Think carefully about what images you put on the internet! They will never truly go away. |
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| Obstacles can include viewing sex talk as vulgar, irrational beliefs, and sexual incompatibility. Getting started can include: admitting it's difficult to talk about sex, the right time and place, asking permission to raise an issue, or telling your partner that it is okay to point out ways you can become a more effective lover. Skills include listening effectively, and clear communication which takes the guesswork out of relationships. People may be uncomfortable discussing sexual topics, fearing they will offend their partners or incur negative reactions. High sexual self-esteem is associated with communicating sexual desire to a partner. Individuals who feel positive about their sexuality and who have had more partners are more likely to use verbal and nonverbal tactics to ask their partners to try something new sexually. Ask questions to draw the other person out. Use self-disclosure; it invites reciprocation. Grant the other person permission to say something that might upset you. Provide information. Accentuate the positive. Use verbal cues. Use nonverbal cues, such as taking turns petting, directing your partner's hand, and signals. |
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| In a University of Guelph study, it was found that most people don't ask explicitly for sex. About half consent to sex by not saying "no". A slight majority prefer for consent to be verbalized, but a significant minority would rather assume it until a partner indicates otherwise. A follow-up study found that consent often is not considered necessary to obtain in long-term relationships. Antioch College requires that verbal consent be obtained at every step of a sexual encounter. A study of young people in Banff found that it is assumed you "know" when a partner wants to have casual sex, formal requests not necessary. However, women use a variety of tactics to communicate disinterest, other than saying "no". "Yes means yes" was communicated subtly, but a person may change their minds at any stage. |
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| Peaks at the beginning of a relationship, and declines over time. |
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| There are a few differences between heterosexual and LGB relationships in factors that predict satisfaction in relationships or deterioration and ending of a relationship. One difference is that homosexual couples tend to distribute household chores evenly, and not in terms of gender role stereotypes. Sexual satisfaction is tied with relationship satisfaction for women regardless of sexual orientation. Satisfaction is associated with social support from partners, shared power, fair fighting, and perceived relationship commitment. Heterosexual couples are more likely to have support from families, and less likely to be stigmatized at large, favouring stability. Relationship problems are similar across orientations. Several issues require extra attention in LGB couples: LGB identity development, parenting, LGB family members, underrepresentation in literature, legal issues, and workplace issues. |
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| From Dalhousie University. In collaboration with E. Sandra Byers. Focused on sexual disclosure within couple relationships. Found that individuals who disclose more about their sexual likes and dislikes report higher sexual satisfaction. |
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| Did a TED talk about reclaiming conversations from technology. |
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| A superficial kind of conversation that allows exchange of information but stresses breadth of topic coverage rather than in-depth discussion. In the early stages of building a relationship, it can determine overlapping attitudes and interests, and whether to develop a relationship. A trial for friendship. Includes the opening line. Early exchanges are likely to include name, occupation, marital status, and hometown ("name, rank, and serial number"). Relationship progress requires the exchange of information. You may turn the person off if you disclose too much at the outset. |
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| The view that a relationship's development reflects the unfolding of social exchanges. These involve the rewards and costs of maintaining the relationship, compared to the rewards and costs of dissolving it. Romantic relationships, like people, undergo stages of development. During each stage, positive factors sway the partners towards maintaining the relationship. |
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| Social networking ites (SNS) |
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| Women tend to use higher privacy settings than men. |
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| With colleagues, presented 156 college undergraduates and 128 members of the general population with various scenarios in which their partners were unfaithful. Jealousy increased when the individuals attributed their partners' infidelity to internal causes, such as clear personal choice. |
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| Following or observing a person persistently, especially because of obsession with the person. Can occur online as well as in person, such as when a person breaks into someone else's email. Can occur after a breakup. Jealousy, abusiveness, and physical violence in relationships are key predictors of this behaviour. |
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| Susan Basow and Kimberly Rubenfeld |
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| Conducted a study that found that feminine-typed individuals (more expressive, nurturing) were more likely to be empathetic and listen to other people's troubles than masculine-typed individuals, regardless of their anatomic sex. |
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