Curious about relationships for thousands of years- origin of public speaking- rhetoric

dates back to 1950's but really began studies in 1960's and 1970's

Previously concerned with public speeches, political rhetoric and mass communication. 

1960's scholars realized that most communication happened within small groups and dyads

some degree of behavioral interdependence, one person's behavior affects the other persons behavior and vice versa. 

Most interpersonal relationships are unique most respects irreplaceable, and require an understanding of the psychological make up of the partner

Role Relationships

Interpersonal Relationship

Close Relationships

Role Relationships:

Voluntary vs. Involuntary

Romantic vs. platonic

Satisfying vs. dissatisfying

long-term vs. short-term

traditional vs. non-traditional

**sex or gender can be a component

Affection

Social Inclusion

Behavioral Control

has all the features of interpersonal relationships plus 3 more:

emotional attachment

need fulfillment

irreplacability

60%-65% of the meaning of most interactions is derived from from nonverbal behavior. 

Encompasses:

Kinesics (facial expressions, body movement, eye behavior

Vocalics (silence and the way we say words including vocal pitch, loudness, tone and speed)

Proxemics ( the way we use space)

Haptics (the use of touch)

Appearance (physical attributes such as height weight and general attractiveness as well as clothing)

Environmental Cues (using candles, soft music to set a romantic mood)

Chronemic Cues (the use of time, such as showing up for a date early or late)

relationship problems

sex

family

Romantic (or potentially romantic) partners

1. dominance/submission

2. level of intimacy

3. degree of similarity

4. task-social orientation

5. formality/informality

6. degree of social composure

7. level of emotional arousal and activation

Dominance: the actual degree to which a person influences other

Submission: the actual degree to which a person gives up influence and/or yields to the wishes of others

Dominance is determined by the subversion or submissive responses of others- closely related to power and status. 

acheived through a wide array of verbal cues, such as expressing similar opinions and values, agreeing with each other, reciprocating self disclosure, and communicating empathy and understanding. peoples emotions are often contagious with one persons emotional state influencing the others, leading t similar displays of affection. 

People also alter their physical appearance to show similarity and dissimilarity- some are permanent while some may be temporary. 

when a relationship is formal, people maintain their distance, and the overall tone of the interaction is serious. - Form of address is a key factor. 

informal interactions are characterized by less distance and a more casual approach.

relational messages also influence the emotional tone of an interaction. can be characterized by two emotional dimensions:

Pleasantness: refers to how positive or negative the emotions experienced are

Activity: refers to how active or bored a person feels. 

People usually perceive moderate to moderately high levels of arousal most appropriate when interacting with relational partners, particularly when arousal is positive. Negative forms of arousal include experiencing distress or nervousness. 

helps us understand ourselves in relation to the world around us. Part of a person's theory, or vision, of self. 

Defines who we are and what we are like- specifying the characteristics that define us (student, African American, smart) and places us on a comparative continuum with others- our identity is not necessarily based on wether we consider these aspects of ourselves to be positive or negative qualities- just defines them. 

refers to how positively or negatively we view ourselfs. 

High self esteem: view their traits and behaviors in a positive light

Low self esteem: mostly see their traits as nedative. 

- our identities help us interpret feedback from others. 

- the feedback we receive from others helps us shape our identities. ( the emotions they experience and the perceptions of what the statement means, as well as what it means about the sender of the message, and their intent- all are influenced by their identity as an introvert or extrovert, to say nothing of other aspects of their theory of self. 

4 types of personal constructs that people use to judge others:

Physical

Role

Interaction

psychological 

People can determine many things from physical construct- age, physical fitness, strength

What is beautiful is good- the halo effect. 

Personal Frame

Enactment frame

Relationship frame

Communal Frame

Positive Face

Negative Face

efforts to repair an identity already damaged by something that was said or done. 

Avoidance

Humor

Apologies

Accounts

Physical remediation

Aggression

Task

Physical

Social Attraction

The very qualities that we initially are attracted to actually cause us to disengage from the person

we basically begin to dislike the qualities that we originally liked. 

What we liked at the beginning of the relationship end up being the cause of termination. 

We tend to see people to whom we are attached to as being more similar to us than they are. 

Reinforcement Theory: we are attracted to similar others because they reinforce our view of the world as the correct perspective. 

1. the behavior reflects highly valued and central aspects of the self- we try to portray an image that is at the core of our identity than when our efforts involve les central aspects of ourselves.

2. Successful performance is tied to vital positive or negative consequences- if the success of a cherished relationship depends on your ability to convince your partner of your commitment, the importance of your impression management efforts is heightened.

3. The behavior reflects directly on highly valued rules of conduct- when important relational rules are violed frequency it is not only very face threatening but often leads to relationship deterioration.  

how you adapt to your situation

High- very aware of their surroundings- attracted to looks and physical appearance.

Low- kind of oblivious to their surroundings, more attracted to personality than looks. 

Different: 

Men- a strong jawline, broad shoulders, and hip-to-waist ration

Women- soft jawline and hourglass figure. Men and women admire physical fitness.

They look for the best qualities for what they need:

Men- women who are capable of having babies- need a woman to reproduce.

Women-  looking for a man with resources to take care of them.

When it is done in moderation

When we are portrayed as being moderatly selective versus very selective or nonselective

when we want a challenge

especially if they are easy for us to attain but difficult for others to attain. 

What is uncertainty reduction theory?

-      The inability to predict the attitudes and/or behaviors of an interactional partner.

o      High uncertainty – do not feel confident in ability to predict or explain someone’s attitudes and behaviors

o      Low uncertainty – know someone well enough to be able to predict and explain his or her actions.

How do we reduce uncertainty? (strategies to reduce uncertainty)

-       Passive- non-intrusive, observational

-       Active- Purposefully manipulating the social environment in a certain way and then observing how someone reacts to this manipulation

-       Interactive- involve direct contact between information seeker and target

What is predicted outcome theory?

-       People are not driven by a need to reduce uncertainty in all cases. Instead, whether we seek more information depends on whether outcomes are negative or positive. 

Uncertainty orientation

Certainty orientation 

-       People are most comfortable in situations with little or no uncertainty, in which they can predict their behavior and that of others and will find ways to ignore information that might increase uncertainty. 

Goal of expectancy violations theory

-       Focuses on how people react to violations of all types of behavioral violations, positive and negative. 

Positive vs. negative expectancy violations

-       Expectancy Violations - Behaviors that deviate from expectations are likely to increase a person’s motivation to reduce uncertainty.

-    

 Positive violations: when the unexpected behavior is perceived to be more satisfying than the expected behavior.

o      When positive violations occur, people are likely to be happier and more satisfied with their relationships.

Negative violations: when the unexpected behavior is perceived to be less positive than the expected behavior.

o      When negative violations occur, people may become angry and dissatisfied with their relationships. 

Know the principles of Uncertainty Reduction Theory

-       Principle 1:  People seek information to reduce uncertainty during initial interactions with others

o      We seek information in an attempt to understand the situation. The more we “know” someone, the better we are at predicting their behavior

-       Principle 2:  People can reduce uncertainty using: passive, active, and interactive strategies.

-       Principle 3:  As uncertainty decreases, attraction usually increases

Secret tests

-       Asking third party—feedback from social networks

-       Directness tests – direct information with partner

-       Triangle tests – intended to test the partner’s commitment level by creating a triangle. Fidelity tests/jealousy tests.

-       Separation tests – relies on creating physical distance between relational partners

-       Endurance tests –  increases the costs or reduces the rewards; testing the limits

-       Public presentation tests – watching for the other person’s reaction to the use of relational labels

-       Indirect suggestion tests – hinting or joking to bring up a topic without taking direct responsibility 

Know the factors that affect motivation to reduce uncertainty

-       High incentive value

-       Deviations from expected behavior

-       Anticipation of Future Interaction

-       The anticipated positive versus negative content of the information

-       expectations you’re accustomed to with a certain person.

-       cultural expectations, general rules of appropriateness.

-       individual differences, such as age, sex, ethnic background and personality traits. 

-Get to know time

- Quality Time

-Passionate Events

-Physical separation

-Reunions 

-External Competition

-Exclusivity

-Serious Commitment

-Disengagement

-Making Up

-Sacrifice

-Psychic Change

Positive: when attitudes and perceptions become more positive- seeing someone as more physically attractive and sexually appealing

Negative: attitudes and perceptions become more negative- when someone suddenly sees the relationship as boring and the partner dull. 

Don't have high frequency

Have a lot of breadth and depth

Because you won't see them again both parties feel alright with exposing a lot of information with them in a short period of time- enclosed space makes you feel like you need to talk to them. 

An onion- Three layers of penetration:

Superficial

social

core

breadth (around the outside)

Depth (going inside)

Increases liking as long as you stick to reciprocity of disclosure- too much can scare them away, too little can make them feel uncomfortable for sharing more than you. 

Lots of breadth but not much depth, depth increases over time. 

1. Fear of exposure or rejections

2. Fear of retaliation or angry attack: worry that their partners might become angry or use what they disclose against them.

3. fear of loss of control: people worry if they engage in too much self-disclosure, they wont be able to control their thought and feelings or the thoughts and feelings of others

4. fear of losing individuality

1. Superficial : talking cause you think you should, being on your best behavior due to the situation

2. Social: with friends and family, talking about yourself with people you trust.

3. Intimate: personal information you share with someone you are close with and trust with everything. 

Additional:

4. Valence: positive or negative charge you feel when someone discloses info with you- negative would be someone coming to you over and over with relationship problems

**Crucial dimensions: tells people how they feel about one another. 

6. duration: length of a particular disclosure

**Breadth, Depth, Frequency**

1. orientation

2. exploratory affective exchange

3. affective exchange

4. stable exchange

low levels of depth and breadth

Positive valence

Superficial

1st few meetings

asking the safe questions

acquaintances and casual dates

increasing breadth and depth

still low in depth

valence is still positive

gets to explore likes/dislikes

good friends, family, partners

sense of closeness and connection

valence and duration change- negative valence is utilized- could have your first fight

Honeymoon has ended (conflict increases)

Depth and breadth increase (high)

every topic is open

complete disclosure

innermost thoughts and feelings

-Initiating Stage

-Experiementing Stage

-Intensifying Stage

-Integrating Stage

-Bonding Stage

disclosure-liking hypothesis

liking-disclosure hypothesis

Social exchange explanation

Uncertainty reduction Explanation