- Conflict doesn't exist, and if it does, don't recognize it.

- If there is a conflict, figure out what to do about it on your ow.

- Don't tell anyone else if there is a struggle.

- Walk away if something starts to brew.

- Don't ever raise your voice.

- Snide comments are fine.

- Sulking and the silent treatment are necessary strategies.

- Don't express strong feeling.

- If someone has a concern, don't respond to it.

- Have meetings or mealtime chats to discuss issues

- Use good listening skills when someone has a concern.

- Deal with people directly.

- Say openly what you are feeling.

- Help is offered in resolving children's or employee's conflicts.

- Regular interaction is important.

- Dirty tricks such as sulking are not allowed.

- Strong feelings are seen as normal and are allowed.

- Survival of the fittest describes the general climate.

- Be brutally honest regardless of the impact.

- Show your emotions strongly even if that hurts someone.

- Establish your position early.

- Have an audience present when you engage someone.

- Don't back down, hold your ground no matter what.

- If someone attacks you have to fight back.

People who engage are weak.

Conflict is warlike and violent = conflict is likely to be solved the way it would be if one were on a battlefiled. "He is killing me" "I just retreat" "I fall back and regroup" "She is squeezing the life out of me"

Conflict is bullying (intimidation) = I feel ripped, broken, beaten.. Low power people describe themselves as "a piece of preperty, slave, caged animal."

Conflict is explosive = "he pushed my button" "he is got a short fuse"

Conflict is a trial = "he's got the best case, you are accusing me, she is guilty" in a relationship, oen partner may take on the role of prosecuting attorney, or the role of defender of the accused. Friends might get brought in as jury.

Conflict is a struggle = "hopeless, rocky road, being on a sinking ship with no lifeboat"

Conflict as an act of nature = "tornado, hurricane, avalanche, tsunami, earthquake, etc.. a feeling of being powerless shows that conflict needs to be avoided since no positive outcome can be expected.

Conflict is animal behavior = "a zoo, stubborn as a mule, stalking, caged animal

Conflict is a mess = "garbage, things are falling apart here, everything is disintegrating, sticky situation.."

Conflict is a communication breakdown = "one way communication, talk to a brick wall, argue with someone from another planet"

Conflict is a game = a victory or defeat or win-lose process. "back and forth, playing the game, strike out, hitting a home run." Playing a chess game requires the prediction moves of the opponent, which is a strategy. "Playing by the rules" is okay for men but not for women. In intimate conflict, if anyone wins, the relationship loses.

Conflict is a heroic adventure = the person who saves large numbers of people, the right leader, knight, lieutenant, helper, great one, victim, king."

Conflict as a balancing act = a rock climber, tightrope walker, who must find the right handholds or fall to sure death.

Conflict is a bargaining table = Diplomacy, negotiations brings to "a motion off the table, under the table, turning the table."

Conflict is a tide (courant) = based on the phases of the moon, climatic conditions, it can be destructive but can bring treasure. "High tide vs Low tide"

Conflict is a dance = learning to dance to the same music, regulate distance, slow down or speed up, to end.

Conflict is a garden = carefully cultivated, future growth, need time to grow, recover from stress, put down roots, etc..

Two fundamentals aspects in all conflicts : 1- communication behavior of each person 2- the perceptions of those behaviors. Each person has a view of 1- oneself 2- the other person (s) 3- the relationship (past events, current events, future projections) 

Exemple: on my side my perspective is..., on his side..

- Intent does NOT equal to impact- if i step on your foot i did not do it in purpose, but the other may think it is! All behavior is up for interpretation. We try to make sense out of behavior by looking for causes. We attribute causes of our behavior to external factors. We attribute causes of others behavior to internal dispositions.