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| because to be needy is to lose control and make bad decisions |
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You do not take it as a personal rejection |
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because you are not needy.
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union members who want a boost to the ego and |
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| can therefore be made to feel needy |
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start thinking about the payday, get excited, become needy
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| traps him or her in a neediness mode |
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| trained negotiator sees neediness of all sorts all the time, |
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| in big ways and in little ways. |
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| It is so easy to slip into such a state, |
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| often without even being aware of it.] |
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most immediately beneficial impact on their negotiating work, I’m pretty sure that a plurality, maybe even a significant majority,
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| would identify this simple warning about neediness |
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| they have learned that neediness can have—will have— |
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| a dramatic, always negative effect on their behavior. |
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any neediness at the negotiating table.]
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self-image of the individual in the selling role
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| traps him or her in a neediness mode and often leads to bad deals |
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| Your adversary in any negotiation must have vision before they can ever take action. I've said it before, I'll say it again: |
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| I've said it before, I'll say it again: no vision, no action. No vision, no decision. No vision, no deals that stick. |
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| No vision, no decision. No vision, no deals that stick. This is Human Nature 101, and it’s the subtext, to one extent or another, of much of the preceding material. |
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| But what, exactly, do we need a vision of? |
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Pain. This is what brings every adversary in every negotiation to the table. I realize it’s a harsh word, maybe even offensive to some who perhaps feel it makes negotiation and business into a blood sport. I appreciate this concern, but all too often negotiations do become extremely emotional and can require extremely tough decisions. I use pain only as a technical term.
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In my system, pain is whatever the negotiator sees as the current or future problem. People make decisions in order to alleviate and take away this current or future problem—this pain. Put in these terms, what else would any negotiation concern?
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| ... the new leader of the British polity appeared before the House of Commons and was asked for a succinct statement of his wartime policy. His answer: “It is to wage war, by sea, land, and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: |
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| to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy.” |
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I don't know about you, but I get chills thinking about the passion behind Churchill’s righteous campaign against Hitler. His words in this speech are the perfect way to introduce the subject of pain in a negotiation. With a towering passion and 179 perfectly chosen words, Churchill wanted to paint a picture for his vast audience of the pain of living under— bowing down before—abominable tyranny. He also wanted to paint a second picture, that of fighting against this abomination with, if necessary, the life of the last good man and woman on earth.
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His adversary was the constituency of the Western democracies, and they were never going to make the decision to go to war without a clear vision of the intolerable pain that would follow from Nazi rule.
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asked how McColl had successfully negotiated over one hundred mergers and acquisitions, and he answered, “I really try to get inside their head before I ever get in the room with them." Exactly! And what was McColl looking for inside the adversary's head?
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The pain, to use my nomenclature.
As a negotiator, you can and will make a lot of mistakes, of course, but your clear vision of your adversary's pain will see you through thick and thin. As I stated earlier, adhering to your mission and purpose will keep you from going seriously astray in a negative direction. Now you have a tool for keeping you oriented in a positive direction: your vision of your adversary's pain. With both mission and purpose and pain you're in great shape, but without both you’re wandering in the desert. |
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But in a negotiation, pain is big- time serious. This is why I use that harsh word, to emphasize the seriousness of the concept.
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In every negotiation, “pain” is what brings the negotiator to the table in the first place. It is, in effect, the soft underbelly in his negotiating position, the most vulnerable point.
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My primary job in this negotiation is to create vision of your real pain, that this is the only machine for your purposes, that this technology is the future of this industry, and that without it your efficiency and your business plan will suffer. |
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| Meanwhile, my own pain in this negotiation is that my company has committed 60 percent of its resources to the development of this machine, and we want to establish it as the new industry standard. Our adversaries, if they’re on top of things, will make sure that we know that they know that we’ve bet the farm on this machine. They will have found this out through research, of course. |
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Other scenarios: Your pain can be your desire to hire this particular person, who is head and shoulders above any other candidate you’ve interviewed; |
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or, on the other side, it can be your desire as the applicant to get this particular job because the salary is twice what you're making now. Or the pain can be your desire as an editor
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| If you’re not working on behalf of your own mission and purpose, |
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| you’re working on behalf of someone else’s. That gives everyone pause. |
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Tough negotiators are experts at recognizing this neediness in their adversaries
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painting rosy, exaggerated scenarios for mega-orders, joint ventures, global alliances, all for the purpose of building neediness
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when the neediness is well established, they lower the boom
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| with changes, exceptions, and a lot more—demands for concessions, all of them |
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another word for all that early chutzpah and ego on my part:
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neediness plain and simple.
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